1 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:03,237 [up-tempo music] 2 00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:08,662 [up-tempo music continues] 3 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:37,491 - [stair squeaks] - [woman] Buddy? Is that you? 4 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,428 - Yeah, Mom. - You're home from work early. 5 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,930 Yeah, um, I'm going out tonight. 6 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:46,700 [mother] Please, darling, don't track dirt in the living room. 7 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,935 [Buddy] I won't. 8 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:51,965 - [mother] Buddy? - Mom, I'm in a hurry. 9 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:56,404 All right, only maybe someday you'll tell me what I did to deserve it. 10 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,705 [Buddy] Deserve what, Mom? 11 00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,640 A son who's gone all day and comes home 12 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,443 and doesn't even ask his mother how she's feeling. 13 00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:04,378 How do you feel, Mom? 14 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,914 Don't ask. 15 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,896 Gee, Mom, I'm sorry you don't feel well. 16 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,065 I would've come to you, darling, but I can't leave the stove. 17 00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:28,235 - Sure. - You know your father likes stuffed peppers. 18 00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:32,072 So I'm trapped here all day like an animal. 19 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,007 It's only 5:00. Where are you going? 20 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,609 I told you, Mom. I'm going out. 21 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:38,746 - Without dinner? - Oh, Mom, don't worry. 22 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:41,081 - I'll eat, honest. - Where? What? 23 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,416 Better have something now. 24 00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:43,884 Oh, no, Mom, listen. I'm not hungry now. 25 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,354 Here's some potato pancakes. I just warmed them up. 26 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:49,823 - Oh, no, Mom, I can't eat now. - Eat. 27 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:53,527 Over the sink, I just waxed the floor. 28 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,796 Now, let me see, what else can I get you? 29 00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:59,767 - The pancakes are enough, Mom. - There's some nice, cold lamb. Would you like some cold lamb? 30 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:02,903 - Mm-mm. Nothing else... - Over the sink with the pancakes. 31 00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,574 And if you're going to eat like a slob, don't do me any favors. 32 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,542 Mom, I didn't want to eat anyway! 33 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,578 Sure, that's why you're eating them. 34 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,580 Now I don't have enough for your father. 35 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:16,116 But, Mom, you gave 'em to me! 36 00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,285 Oh, what's the use? 37 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,053 I'll see you later. I gotta go. 38 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:23,256 - All right. You'll be back early? - Yeah, sure. 39 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:28,696 Some backache. Khrushchev should have such a backache. 40 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:54,054 [mother] Harry, is that you? 41 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,190 No, it's a burglar... 42 00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,761 ...coming through the front door at 5:00... 43 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,464 ...for dinner! 44 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,634 [mother] I see you're in a good mood. 45 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,937 Don't start with me. 46 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:15,142 [mother] You must've had some day, coming home in such a mood. 47 00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:18,512 The newspapers, you put them on the dining room table again. 48 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:21,715 They're clean. I had them boiled. 49 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:24,952 That's all I need is scratches. 50 00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:38,131 You'll spoil your appetite. 51 00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:49,276 All right, Harry, something's eating you up alive. 52 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,078 What is it, what could it be? 53 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:55,849 Well, what is it, what could it be? Your son! 54 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,485 Sh! 55 00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,520 Harry, the neighbors. 56 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,689 So, it's Alan again? 57 00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,992 Hasn't been to the office for three days. Three days! 58 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,860 And who's waiting for him all that time? 59 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:10,230 Only Eckman from Dallas, one of our biggest accounts! 60 00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,432 For three days I'm making up stories 61 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,635 while that, that bum... Who knows where he is! 62 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,436 - Your son. - My son. 63 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,138 When it's Alan, it's my son. 64 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:19,673 When it's Buddy, it's yours. 65 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,675 Buddy's different, he's got a head on his shoulders. 66 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:25,012 You'll spoil your appetite! 67 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,215 Come, I made stuffed peppers special. 68 00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:31,018 [Harry] I want something first. 69 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,153 Where is Buddy? He left the plant early today. 70 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:37,224 He had an early date. Stop picking and close the door. 71 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,826 You'll let the cold out. 72 00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:41,595 What's the difference? There's no food in there anyway! 73 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:45,599 This isn't a refrigerator, it's an aluminum mine! 74 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,901 So it's an aluminum mine! 75 00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:53,574 - Where was Buddy going tonight? - He didn't say. 76 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,309 I'll feel better when he meets a nice girl, gets married... 77 00:07:56,409 --> 00:08:00,681 Don't push so hard. Sometimes I think that's why Alan never married. 78 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,115 Alan I didn't push hard enough. 79 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,752 And you, you were too soft all together. 80 00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:06,787 Sure, my fault, blame it on me. 81 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,922 My fault Alan lives the way he does. 82 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:11,625 - Please, Sophie... - My fault he won't settle down. 83 00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:14,695 It's nobody's fault! 84 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:20,834 Three days he don't come to the office. I don't know what to do anymore. 85 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,836 Harry... 86 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,007 ...eat. 87 00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:32,445 Eat. Some solution. 88 00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:35,883 They're looking for you at the United Nations. 89 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,012 Four hours and ten minutes exactly. 90 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,014 Not bad for one-hand driving, huh? 91 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,249 Next time, we'll try with no hands. 92 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:12,085 - Next time. - [purrs] 93 00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:15,122 - I'll race you to the elevator. - All right. 94 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,226 I win! 95 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,261 So you did. 96 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,931 Now let's go right to my place where I keep the prizes. 97 00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:27,267 - No, Alan. - But you said you were cold. 98 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,036 Well, I am. 99 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:32,339 Come on, I'll have your blood going up and down in no time. 100 00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:39,647 Wanna stop in the lobby for messages? 101 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,686 You didn't press my floor. 102 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,855 I'd rather press you. 103 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:50,824 - But, Alan, it's been a long drive. - No, no. 104 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:56,129 Let's not part yet. Let's have a little drink to cap off the perfect weekend. 105 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,440 We're here. 106 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,910 - But Alan... - Oh, come on. 107 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,180 - Alan... - Look, ever since I was a kid 108 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,884 I've had a thing about going into a dark apartment alone. 109 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:20,453 - Really, Alan? - Would I lie to you about a thing like that? 110 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,355 Yes. 111 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,391 You're right. Come on. 112 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,412 Ooh. 113 00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:50,984 This apartment... Every time I come up here, it just sends me. 114 00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:54,021 Actually, it's a mere hovel. 115 00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:57,290 But it's rather like me, it responds to beautiful women. 116 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,961 Don't you ever get tired of looking sensational? 117 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,930 - Think I do? - You kidding? 118 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,232 See those guys on that ski jump? 119 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,801 They were watching you and jumping in the parking lot. 120 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,402 [both laughing] 121 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,175 Ooh, you were right. 122 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,310 My blood is running up and down. 123 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:21,081 Mm. Now I'll get that drink I was telling you about. 124 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,415 - Alan? - Mm-hm? 125 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,751 Thank you for the weekend. 126 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,352 I had a wonderful time. 127 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:27,420 Yeah, it was fun. 128 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,857 Even though he didn't show up. 129 00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:32,826 Even though... he, do... what show up? 130 00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,895 Your friend from Paramount. 131 00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:37,530 Oh, Macintosh! Yes, of course, that's show biz. 132 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:40,901 Did it say when expects to return to New York again? 133 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:43,937 - Did what say? - The telegram from Hollywood. 134 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:48,441 Oh, didn't I tell you? Yes, of course, he's, uh, he's coming next week. Next week. 135 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:52,846 Uh, early part. Monday or Tuesday or something like that. 136 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,450 It's kind of funny now that you think of it, isn't it? 137 00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:01,521 - What's funny? - Well, him wanting to meet me in a hotel. 138 00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:05,158 - It wasn't a hotel, it was a ski lodge. - Was it? 139 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,127 - Yes. - Anyway, it was nice. 140 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,163 I've never been to New Hampshire before. 141 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,765 It was Vermont. 142 00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:16,069 Oh, I'm just terrible with names. 143 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:19,372 I can't imagine why such an important producer 144 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:23,376 would want to travel all the way up there just to meet me. 145 00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:28,849 Yeah, well, uh... You see, like I was trying to explain to you, 146 00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,551 he's doing a picture about a winter carnival. 147 00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:35,588 And he wanted to meet you up there to see how you'd photograph against the snow. 148 00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:37,925 Now that makes sense, doesn't it? 149 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,392 Well, doesn't it? 150 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,594 Oh, sure. 151 00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:43,763 Sure. 152 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:50,303 We gotta go again sometime when it's not for business. 153 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,172 - Just for fun. - Crazy. 154 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,374 That'll be a swinging weekend. 155 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,776 Let's drink to that. 156 00:12:56,877 --> 00:13:00,647 Maybe next time, I could learn to ski! 157 00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:02,615 It wouldn't surprise me at all. 158 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:05,953 It's a shame we were cooped up inside so long. 159 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:09,489 Yeah, well, like I explained to you, we got a bad break in the weather. 160 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:15,062 - You mean all that snow. - All that snow, it was very bad. 161 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,830 But you know something? 162 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,168 You made the cutest Saint Bernard I ever saw. 163 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,736 - [both laugh] - [slow jazz record plays] 164 00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:25,873 [telephone rings] 165 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:27,908 - Alan? - Mm-hm. 166 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,576 That's the lobby. 167 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,311 Mm-hm. 168 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,047 Well, you'd better answer it. It might be important. 169 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,548 Ohh... 170 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,117 - Alan... - Mm... 171 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:40,187 Alan, it might be important. 172 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,490 Lobby, schmobby. 173 00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,526 Yeah, hello? 174 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,929 Yeah, about ten minutes ago. 175 00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:51,531 Who? Well, put him on. 176 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,334 Hi, Buddy. What do you say, pal? 177 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,170 You wanna come up now? 178 00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,172 Yeah, well, OK. I guess all right. 179 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:00,740 You know where the apartment is. Come on up. 180 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,375 My kid brother. 181 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:05,545 I'd better go. I'll slip out the back way. 182 00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:08,515 What are you rushing so? We're on the 20th floor. 183 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,550 It takes a minute and 56 seconds to get up here. 184 00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:13,320 Well, that's all right. I wanted to go downstairs and freshen up anyway. 185 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,588 I'd like to get a little fresh myself. 186 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:20,160 Oh, do you think he'll be here very long? 187 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,662 Not when you ask me like that he won't be here long. 188 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:25,098 Well, why don't you come down in about 20 minutes? 189 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,134 Why don't you come up in 19? 190 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,835 OK. 191 00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:31,271 - Bye. - Bye. 192 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,115 [Alan] Come on in, it's open. 193 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,985 Hello, Alan. You busy? 194 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,254 No, no, no. I'm up in the bedroom. Come on up. 195 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:57,097 - Are you coming up or aren't you, Buddy? - Yeah, I'm coming. 196 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,532 I'm just taking a look around. 197 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:03,670 Boy, this apartment's always more exciting than I remembered. 198 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,872 - Hi, kid. - Hi, Alan. 199 00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:07,374 I just got back from a trip. 200 00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,109 Mind if I freshen up while we visit? 201 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,544 This isn't a visit. 202 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:14,581 It isn't a... 203 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:21,321 - What you got in there? - Pajamas, toothbrush. The works. 204 00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:23,556 You're kidding. 205 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:26,426 - Nope. - You left. 206 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:28,996 Permanently? 207 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:30,797 I packed eight pairs of socks. 208 00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,432 For me, that's permanently. 209 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,001 I don't believe it. 210 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,603 Well, the baby brother finally went over the wall. 211 00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:39,906 Yeah, we talked about it long enough, didn't we? 212 00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:42,042 Yeah, but every time I brought it up you said you weren't ready. 213 00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:43,610 Why didn't you tell me about it? 214 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,912 When? You haven't been to work since Thursday. 215 00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,880 That's true. 216 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:50,217 Come on, come on in here. Take off your coat. 217 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,619 The old man say anything about my being away? 218 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,855 Well, not at the office. But, boy, at home, he's been slamming doors. 219 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:59,492 - Yesterday, you know that chandelier in the foyer? - Yeah. 220 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,495 - It fell down. - [makes whistling sound] 221 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:03,930 [crashing sound] 222 00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:05,832 - Hey, where were you? - Vermont. 223 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:08,335 - Skiing? - Among other things. 224 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,370 [turns electric razor on] 225 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,107 Well, I don't know how you do it, Alan. 226 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:17,244 - Do what? - If I'm at work one minute after nine, 227 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:20,913 he docks my pay and I think I get less to eat at home. 228 00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,449 That's because of you he expects things. 229 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,317 But for me, he says he expects nothing. 230 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,819 That's what he thinks he gets, nothing. [laughs] 231 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:29,322 Hey, you know, the other night, you know what he did? 232 00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,525 - No. - I came home about 4:00 in the morning. 233 00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:36,263 So what does he do? As I walk by his bedroom door, 234 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:39,166 he crows like a rooster! 235 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,435 You mean, cock-a-doodle-doo! 236 00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,671 Yeah! [crowing] 237 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:47,874 I felt like clucking back like a chicken, you know? 238 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,809 But, I didn't have the nerve. 239 00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,045 Oh, I tell you something. 240 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:54,181 He's beautiful. He's a beautiful man. 241 00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:55,982 Yeah, he's beautiful all right. 242 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,350 [sighs] 243 00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,487 Anyway, I figured it was time I got out. 244 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,022 So I wrote him a letter explaining everything. 245 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,692 He'll get it in the morning. 246 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:07,994 And here I am. 247 00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,330 You should be the one who's... [crowing] 248 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,532 I'm proud of you and I'm glad you're here. 249 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:15,034 Gee, thanks, Alan. 250 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,637 Hey... 251 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,839 You use a roll-on. 252 00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:21,908 - Sure. - I do too. 253 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:24,077 And people say we're not alike. 254 00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:27,046 Are they kidding, pal? 255 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,822 Boy, this is beautiful. 256 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,690 What do you call it, Alan? 257 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,859 Alpaca, it's all yours. 258 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:43,296 - Really? You mean it? - Yeah. Wear it in good health. 259 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,765 Gee, thanks. 260 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:47,334 Hey, Alan? 261 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,602 Are you sure I'm not gonna be in your way around here? 262 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,105 No, no, of course not. 263 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:55,975 But maybe we ought to work out a kind of a, you know, a traffic system. 264 00:17:56,075 --> 00:18:00,079 - For instance, I expect a young lady up here in a few minutes. - A girl? Really? 265 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:03,416 Why didn't you tell me so? Look, if you want me to be out of the place or something, 266 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,986 you just say the word and, uh, I'll go out to a movie. 267 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:11,391 Yeah, the way things have been working out, you might not miss a picture all year long. 268 00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:15,328 But first, we drink to your emancipation. Come on, pal. 269 00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:25,305 Alan, you really think I did the right thing? 270 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,840 In terms of Dad and all that I mean. 271 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,542 No question about it. 272 00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:32,445 Now what'll you have? Bourbon, scotch, vodka... 273 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,648 - Scotch. Scotch. - Scotch. Scotch the man says. 274 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:39,486 - And ginger ale. - And a little ging... 275 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,722 Oh, they must know you at every bar in town. 276 00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,561 Oh, stop worrying about it, kid. 277 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,630 After all, it's not like you deserted him completely. 278 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,332 You're still working for him, aren't you? 279 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:55,134 [scoffs] There's gonna be trouble there too, Alan. 280 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:58,305 I'm thinking about leaving the business. 281 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:02,309 Boy, you don't fool around. When you bust out, you really go. 282 00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:05,412 Well, it just doesn't interest me anymore, Alan. 283 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:09,549 Look what's going on in the world today. New countries are being born, 284 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,818 they're getting ready to send men to the moon, 285 00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:15,722 I just can't get excited about making artificial fruit! 286 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,757 Well, it's a business like any other business. 287 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,327 Yeah, it's different for you. You're on the outside. 288 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:25,632 I'm on the inside, looking at all those petrified apples and grapes. 289 00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:29,436 They never rot, they never turn brown, they never grow old! 290 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:33,240 It's like the fruit version of Dorian Gray. 291 00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,942 The fruit version of... Hey, that's pretty good! 292 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,477 Take a bite of that. 293 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,947 - To the Baker brothers. - Cock-a-doodle-doo! 294 00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,319 Well, how do you like it? 295 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:49,556 - It's different. - It should be, you invented it. 296 00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:52,725 - [doorbell chimes] - Oops! That'll be Peggy. 297 00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:56,696 - Oh, look, I'd better... - No, no, no, no, no. Leave an anchor. 298 00:19:56,796 --> 00:20:01,301 When you see this chick, my boy, you'll be glad you moved uptown! 299 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:08,775 Oh, my third wish, oh, genie, is that when I open this door 300 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,812 the most beautiful girl in the world will be standing on the other side. 301 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,618 Dad! 302 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,424 This is a pleasant surprise. 303 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:26,759 Uh... 304 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,830 How are you? How do you feel, Dad? How are you? 305 00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:35,001 How am I? I'll tell you some time, that's how I am. 306 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,570 Um... I've redecorated. 307 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:38,938 Isn't it nice? How do you like it? 308 00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,474 Fancy. Very fancy. 309 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,743 You must have some nice job. 310 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,546 Well, I write half of it off as a business expense. 311 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:49,482 Well, I mean, after all, you won't open up a showroom 312 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,284 and I gotta take the customers to a nice place. 313 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:53,553 Customers you bring to a desk. A desk and a pencil. 314 00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:56,155 Oh, no, not today you don't. Today selling is different. 315 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,024 It's not like in your day. 316 00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:01,694 Oh, what's the use? We've been through this 100 times before. 317 00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:06,399 Say, seeing you reminds me I was gonna call you today. 318 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,336 The phone company shouldn't have to depend on your business. 319 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,638 No, no, no, seriously. I wanted to explain. 320 00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:14,407 - There's nothing to explain. - No, but there is. 321 00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:16,142 I wanted to explain why I wasn't in for the last two days. 322 00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:20,380 No, I understand. You work very hard two days a week, 323 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,183 you need a five day weekend, that's normal. 324 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,485 I'm not gonna lie to you, Dad. 325 00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:27,153 I went skiing up in Vermont. 326 00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:31,724 And I planned to be home by Sunday, but I... I hurt my bad ankle. 327 00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,593 You know, the thing I always have the trouble with. 328 00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:36,963 I couldn't drive, I thought it was broken. 329 00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:38,865 I'll send you a get well card. 330 00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:42,335 Dad, I'll be in the office first thing in the morning. 331 00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:44,637 That's good news. 332 00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:47,907 You know the address, don't you? 333 00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:49,509 Yes, Dad, I know the address. 334 00:21:49,609 --> 00:21:51,711 I always said you were smart. 335 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,947 Now, I'll see you in the morning. 336 00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:56,483 Right. 337 00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:59,185 Ooh! By the way, 338 00:21:59,285 --> 00:22:01,854 how is the Neiman Marcus account doing? 339 00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:03,089 The Neiman Marcus account? 340 00:22:03,189 --> 00:22:05,224 Yeah, you know, Dallas, our biggest customer... 341 00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:08,761 Oh! That Neiman Marcus! It's going very well. 342 00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:11,197 - Dandy, fine, fine. - The buyer's name is Eckman... 343 00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:14,300 Eckman, Eckman, Eckman. She's coming to town next Friday. 344 00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:16,736 Next Friday? 345 00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,137 Yeah. 346 00:22:18,237 --> 00:22:21,841 That's why she called from the Waldorf Astoria last Friday?! 347 00:22:21,941 --> 00:22:24,711 - No! - And again today? 348 00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:28,415 Well, I suppose maybe she called about an order? 349 00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:30,750 Yeah, about an order. 350 00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,285 - Did we get one? - Yeah, we got one. 351 00:22:33,386 --> 00:22:35,655 - How much? - Guess. 352 00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:37,256 Oh, I don't know. It's hard to say. 353 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:41,728 No! Guess how much we got from Eckman? 354 00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:46,533 - Nothing? - Bingo! 355 00:22:46,633 --> 00:22:48,835 Right on the button! 356 00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:50,470 Bum! 357 00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:51,771 Oh, please, Dad, let me explain... 358 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,973 You had a nice weekend, bum? Huh? 359 00:22:54,073 --> 00:22:55,908 I honestly thought she was coming next Friday. 360 00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:59,378 Yeah. Three days she's at the hotel waiting. 361 00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:01,848 While you're playing in the snow. Huh? 362 00:23:01,948 --> 00:23:03,616 - Yes. - Now, wait a minute, Dad. 363 00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:05,918 No more walking, please, I'm tired. 364 00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:08,888 Tomorrow morning, the first thing, I'll call her up. I'll explain it to her. 365 00:23:08,988 --> 00:23:12,091 We're good friends. I promise you, I will not lose the account. 366 00:23:12,191 --> 00:23:14,326 Why? It won't be the first one you ever lost. 367 00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:18,130 You wanna see the list? You can ski down your cancellations! 368 00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:21,734 - Skiing has nothing to do with it. - Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. 369 00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:27,273 I left off golf and sailing, sleeping and drinking, women. 370 00:23:27,373 --> 00:23:31,210 If I was in the bum business, I would want ten like you! 371 00:23:31,310 --> 00:23:34,280 You talk as though I put no time at all in the business. 372 00:23:34,380 --> 00:23:35,815 So, do you? 373 00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:39,051 You take off legal holidays, Jewish holidays, 374 00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:43,990 Catholic holidays, last year you took off Halloween! 375 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,095 Look, Dad, let's face it. 376 00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:52,732 You don't want me around anyway. 377 00:23:52,832 --> 00:23:56,503 Have you ever once asked my advice about the business? 378 00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:58,571 Never, not once. 379 00:23:58,671 --> 00:24:00,206 I admit, I'm not a genius. 380 00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:02,975 But I got a couple good ideas. You want to listen to them? 381 00:24:03,075 --> 00:24:05,444 What does a skier know about wax fruit? 382 00:24:05,545 --> 00:24:08,581 There you go. You won't give me the same respect you give the night watchman. 383 00:24:08,681 --> 00:24:10,550 At least I know where he is at night. 384 00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:12,318 Well, you're never gonna know where I am at night 385 00:24:12,418 --> 00:24:13,820 because what I do at night is my business. 386 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,623 Go ahead, do whatever you like. 387 00:24:16,723 --> 00:24:18,858 - Live like a bum. - Why am I a bum?! 388 00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:20,359 - Are you married? - No! 389 00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:21,894 Then you're a bum! 390 00:24:23,229 --> 00:24:24,330 Well, what's all the hurry? 391 00:24:24,430 --> 00:24:26,265 Hurry, hurry, hurry! I'll get married. 392 00:24:26,365 --> 00:24:27,734 Listen, I heard that for years 393 00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:30,336 when you were 25, 30, 35 you were a bachelor. 394 00:24:30,436 --> 00:24:33,072 Now you're past 35 and you're still not married, 395 00:24:33,172 --> 00:24:36,008 so you're a bum and that's all there is to it. 396 00:24:36,108 --> 00:24:37,544 My stomach is growling. 397 00:24:37,644 --> 00:24:39,812 Who made 35 the closing date? 398 00:24:39,912 --> 00:24:42,549 Just answer that question for me. 399 00:24:42,649 --> 00:24:45,918 Who made 35 the closing date? 400 00:24:47,887 --> 00:24:51,123 Dad, you're not listening to me. 401 00:24:51,223 --> 00:24:52,859 Dad! 402 00:24:55,361 --> 00:24:57,597 I'm sorry. 403 00:24:59,431 --> 00:25:01,534 But, honest, I really want to know. 404 00:25:01,634 --> 00:25:04,537 Why does our relationship depend on my getting married? 405 00:25:04,637 --> 00:25:05,972 Can't you love me no matter what? 406 00:25:06,072 --> 00:25:08,440 You really think I don't love you? 407 00:25:08,541 --> 00:25:14,280 Well, sometimes I wonder. You act so strangely, I don't know. 408 00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:17,516 Go explain parents to children. 409 00:25:20,587 --> 00:25:21,921 I know it isn't easy, Pop, 410 00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:24,156 it's not easy for me either. 411 00:25:24,256 --> 00:25:26,225 But I'm not a bum. 412 00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:29,228 I'm just trying to get a little fun out of life. 413 00:25:29,328 --> 00:25:33,933 I'm not unlike any other normal, healthy, American guy. 414 00:25:42,742 --> 00:25:45,311 American, you are. 415 00:25:46,445 --> 00:25:50,950 Healthy... I'm not too sure. 416 00:25:54,186 --> 00:25:56,088 And if this is normal... 417 00:25:56,188 --> 00:25:58,591 ...I'm an Eskimo! 418 00:26:00,092 --> 00:26:01,928 - [clattering] - [Alan] Wait a minute, Dad. 419 00:26:02,028 --> 00:26:03,763 I can explain the whole thing to you. 420 00:26:03,863 --> 00:26:06,232 For crying out loud, it was only a shoe! 421 00:26:06,332 --> 00:26:08,367 At least I got your brother. He'll never be like you. 422 00:26:08,467 --> 00:26:11,403 - Not in a million years! - Yeah, well, he might surprise you. 423 00:26:11,503 --> 00:26:14,807 Ah, there's nothing to discuss. I'll see you tomorrow at the office at 10:00? 424 00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:17,143 - OK. - First, you go to the Waldorf Astoria. 425 00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:19,211 Straighten out with Eckman and get her order! 426 00:26:19,311 --> 00:26:21,447 - I'll get the order. - You'll have to get up early. 427 00:26:21,547 --> 00:26:24,416 No trouble at all, I was just getting ready to go to bed anyway. 428 00:26:24,516 --> 00:26:27,153 - Yeah. - Hi! 429 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,690 Sorry I'm late! 430 00:26:32,992 --> 00:26:35,828 [nervous chuckle] You're not late. You're not even early. 431 00:26:35,928 --> 00:26:38,297 As a matter of fact, you're in the wrong apartment. 432 00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:40,232 I'll explain tomorrow. 433 00:26:40,332 --> 00:26:44,270 It's a funny thing about this lady, Pop, she... She's got insomnia or something. 434 00:26:44,370 --> 00:26:48,140 She goes around every night and she visits people up and down the hall. 435 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,142 And she rings... 436 00:26:55,014 --> 00:26:58,718 The day your brother becomes like you... 437 00:27:03,089 --> 00:27:05,992 ...I throw myself in front of an airplane! 438 00:27:06,092 --> 00:27:08,661 - [door slams] - [chandelier creaking] 439 00:27:13,766 --> 00:27:15,968 [chandelier shatters] 440 00:27:28,547 --> 00:27:31,751 Boy, I thought maybe he'd gotten my letter already. 441 00:27:32,551 --> 00:27:34,020 Boy, that took the cake. 442 00:27:34,386 --> 00:27:35,755 Yeah. 443 00:27:36,422 --> 00:27:37,690 Hello, Waldorf? 444 00:27:37,790 --> 00:27:39,491 Would you ring Miss Eckman, please, in 404? 445 00:27:39,591 --> 00:27:41,227 Hey, what about that Peggy? She's coming back up, isn't she? 446 00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:43,996 No, I told her come back tomorrow. 447 00:27:44,096 --> 00:27:47,333 No answer yet? Well, this is Alan Baker again. 448 00:27:47,433 --> 00:27:49,301 Yes, thank you. 449 00:27:49,401 --> 00:27:52,204 - [telephone rings] - Hello? Who's this? 450 00:27:52,304 --> 00:27:53,639 Is that Eckman? 451 00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:56,909 Connie. Hello, baby. 452 00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:59,979 And it took me three weeks to get a date to my prom. 453 00:28:00,079 --> 00:28:01,613 When did you get the time? 454 00:28:01,714 --> 00:28:05,217 You weren't due till tomorrow. 455 00:28:05,317 --> 00:28:09,188 Don't you know you can get arrested having a sexy voice like that? 456 00:28:09,288 --> 00:28:10,890 Hm? 457 00:28:10,990 --> 00:28:13,192 Of course you can. Are you kidding? 458 00:28:13,292 --> 00:28:16,929 Three minutes? Why don't you make it two? 459 00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:19,365 After all, I'm only human. 460 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,769 [makes biting sound] 461 00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:26,205 Hey, Alan, who was that? 462 00:28:26,305 --> 00:28:28,540 That, my dear young brother, was a girl. 463 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,476 And she's on her way over here. 464 00:28:30,576 --> 00:28:33,045 On her way over? I thought you said you were bushed? 465 00:28:33,145 --> 00:28:35,314 Not where this little kitten is concerned. 466 00:28:35,414 --> 00:28:36,548 This one is different. 467 00:28:36,648 --> 00:28:38,617 Oh, you mean this one's serious? 468 00:28:38,717 --> 00:28:39,852 Alan. [clucks tongue] 469 00:28:39,952 --> 00:28:41,520 Who said anything about serious? 470 00:28:41,620 --> 00:28:43,589 - I just said she's different. - Oh. 471 00:28:43,689 --> 00:28:47,726 Hey, you know it sure would solve a lot of things around home if you got married. 472 00:28:47,827 --> 00:28:51,798 I mean, after all, Mom's had an open line to the caterer for three years. 473 00:28:51,898 --> 00:28:54,066 Me, get married? With all of this? 474 00:28:54,166 --> 00:28:56,002 Are you out of your cotton-picking mind?! 475 00:28:56,102 --> 00:28:58,737 - [doorbell rings] - Well, I... 476 00:28:59,471 --> 00:29:01,240 I'd better get my coat. 477 00:29:04,844 --> 00:29:07,346 And for my third wish, oh, genie... 478 00:29:07,446 --> 00:29:09,148 Ah, who's got time? 479 00:29:11,183 --> 00:29:15,287 - Eckman. - You mean, "Eckman, darlin'". 480 00:29:15,387 --> 00:29:16,655 Don't you, lover? 481 00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:19,058 Oh, yeah. That's right. 482 00:29:19,158 --> 00:29:23,295 - Eckman, darling. - All weekend I waited for you. 483 00:29:23,395 --> 00:29:28,100 Since Friday noon. Where were ya... lover boy? 484 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,636 Well, I'm almost too embarrassed to tell you, see. 485 00:29:30,736 --> 00:29:32,271 I was down in Dallas... 486 00:29:33,305 --> 00:29:37,076 Ow. No, really. Eckman, baby, honest. 487 00:29:37,176 --> 00:29:40,179 I knew this was our weekend and I didn't know you were coming here, 488 00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:44,450 so I, I took a plane and I went down to Dallas. 489 00:29:44,550 --> 00:29:48,520 Oh! Ow, ow, ow. And I was in the Dallas Hilton hotel for three whole days 490 00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:52,791 in my room all by myself with a bunch of samples of our stemless purple plums. 491 00:29:52,892 --> 00:29:57,129 - Shut up, lover. - Would I lie to you about a thing like that, honey? 492 00:29:57,229 --> 00:29:59,866 Of course, I could phone the Dallas Hilton. 493 00:29:59,966 --> 00:30:02,001 [stammers] Well, I'd like to ask you to stay, but, uh... 494 00:30:02,101 --> 00:30:03,802 But you're not alone? 495 00:30:03,903 --> 00:30:05,237 That's right, I'm not alone. 496 00:30:05,337 --> 00:30:07,239 - My kid brother's here. - Kid brother? 497 00:30:07,339 --> 00:30:10,442 - Yeah, he's here. - Lover, don't make me laugh. 498 00:30:10,542 --> 00:30:11,944 No, I mean it. Hey, Buddy! 499 00:30:12,044 --> 00:30:13,612 Hey, pal. [whistles] Come here, son. 500 00:30:13,712 --> 00:30:15,814 I was just getting ready to leave, Alan. Hi, Connie. 501 00:30:15,915 --> 00:30:17,549 - Connie? - Honey. Honey, he means. 502 00:30:17,649 --> 00:30:19,952 I told you never to be forward to people you don't know. 503 00:30:20,052 --> 00:30:22,054 Say hello to Miss Eckman. 504 00:30:22,154 --> 00:30:23,655 Miss Eckman, the buyer? 505 00:30:23,755 --> 00:30:25,257 My brother. 506 00:30:26,492 --> 00:30:27,960 I'm sorry, lover. 507 00:30:28,060 --> 00:30:29,761 That's all right, baby. Now you go on home 508 00:30:29,862 --> 00:30:32,631 and get a good night's sleep. And everything's gonna be fine. 509 00:30:32,731 --> 00:30:37,136 Of course, tomorrow night, I want you to look absolutely ravishing. 510 00:30:37,236 --> 00:30:39,238 But I'm due back in Dallas tomorrow. 511 00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:41,240 When we got business to attend to? [clucks tongue] 512 00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:44,143 - But, lover... - Honey, tomorrow night is all ours. 513 00:30:44,243 --> 00:30:47,646 I can't wait for you to see those stemless purple plums. 514 00:30:47,746 --> 00:30:49,648 All right. 515 00:30:49,748 --> 00:30:52,151 - Bye, lover. - Bye. 516 00:30:54,786 --> 00:30:59,158 - Hiya, baby! - I thought I heard good-bye in there somewhere. 517 00:30:59,258 --> 00:31:02,328 - Am I coming or going? - [Alan] Oh, you're coming. 518 00:31:05,364 --> 00:31:08,968 I won't even miss the foreign films. 519 00:31:12,905 --> 00:31:15,241 Golly, I missed you. 520 00:31:16,475 --> 00:31:19,278 Come on in and I'll give you a chance to prove it. 521 00:31:22,314 --> 00:31:24,716 Well, only for a minute, Alan. 522 00:31:24,816 --> 00:31:28,254 - [sighs] I just got off the plane. - [door closes] 523 00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:31,257 I haven't unpacked. I haven't even been home. 524 00:31:31,924 --> 00:31:34,626 Well, that proves it. 525 00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:36,495 I've missed you too, baby. 526 00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:42,734 Oh, Alan. 527 00:31:42,834 --> 00:31:44,536 Please don't take advantage. 528 00:31:44,636 --> 00:31:47,974 I've got enough handicaps as it is. 529 00:31:49,075 --> 00:31:50,742 Like what? 530 00:31:50,842 --> 00:31:53,379 Like being on your side. 531 00:31:53,479 --> 00:31:55,881 Oh, that's silly. 532 00:31:55,982 --> 00:31:59,318 - Oh, put that thing down. - I won't. 533 00:31:59,418 --> 00:32:01,387 OK. 534 00:32:03,555 --> 00:32:05,457 Oh, it isn't fair. 535 00:32:05,958 --> 00:32:08,660 You and me... 536 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:09,962 ...against me. 537 00:32:10,062 --> 00:32:12,264 Just isn't fair! 538 00:32:12,364 --> 00:32:14,233 One more kiss. 539 00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:16,335 I tell you what, if it leaves you cold, I'll quit. 540 00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:18,971 But if it gets you all crazy, then we play house rules. 541 00:32:19,071 --> 00:32:21,873 - Alan, don't. - Come on, what do you say? 542 00:32:21,974 --> 00:32:23,642 Oh, Alan, play fair! 543 00:32:23,742 --> 00:32:26,312 I'll put my hands behind my back, I'll spot you a five point lead, 544 00:32:26,412 --> 00:32:30,116 and I'll only be permitted to use my underlip. 545 00:32:32,884 --> 00:32:38,024 Oh, Alan, not now, please. I haven't even got the strength to put up an interesting fight. 546 00:32:38,124 --> 00:32:43,095 I... I just came here to say I'm back. 547 00:32:43,195 --> 00:32:45,497 And... to tell you something. 548 00:32:47,333 --> 00:32:49,201 I guess it must've been a pretty rough tour, huh? 549 00:32:49,301 --> 00:32:52,638 The roughest. And the last. 550 00:32:53,872 --> 00:32:56,775 The last? 551 00:32:56,875 --> 00:32:59,845 Well, that's what I came by to tell you. 552 00:32:59,945 --> 00:33:01,613 I've quit, Alan. 553 00:33:01,713 --> 00:33:05,517 I mean, not just the show. The whole business. 554 00:33:05,617 --> 00:33:07,553 Quit? I don't get it. 555 00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:10,922 Everything's been going so well, how can you give up such a promising career? 556 00:33:11,023 --> 00:33:14,193 Promising? Even you said I was a lousy singer. 557 00:33:14,293 --> 00:33:15,827 Oh, no, I didn't. 558 00:33:15,927 --> 00:33:17,563 I said you had a lousy voice. 559 00:33:17,663 --> 00:33:19,598 Now there's really a difference, you know. 560 00:33:19,698 --> 00:33:21,567 - There is? - Yeah. 561 00:33:21,667 --> 00:33:25,104 I mean, you know, you've got looks, and personality. 562 00:33:25,204 --> 00:33:27,839 And today, that's all you need in the music business. 563 00:33:27,939 --> 00:33:29,775 Even the hockey players are making albums. 564 00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:34,012 Ooh, I'd go on, I guess, if I wanted it that much. 565 00:33:34,113 --> 00:33:37,449 But somehow I just don't care anymore. 566 00:33:39,751 --> 00:33:43,021 It all started when I met you. 567 00:33:43,122 --> 00:33:45,023 Me? 568 00:33:46,658 --> 00:33:50,729 I just don't like being away from you so much. 569 00:33:51,897 --> 00:33:56,102 Well, um... What do you plan to do? 570 00:33:58,670 --> 00:34:00,306 Ooh, well, I'll manage. 571 00:34:00,406 --> 00:34:03,175 I, um, could try modeling. 572 00:34:03,275 --> 00:34:06,044 Or I could become a secretary. 573 00:34:06,145 --> 00:34:08,347 Or a housewife. 574 00:34:09,081 --> 00:34:11,250 A housewife? 575 00:34:11,750 --> 00:34:12,784 Housewife. 576 00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:16,688 You know, sleep-in maid. 577 00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:19,091 I don't... I don't follow you. 578 00:34:19,191 --> 00:34:21,893 It was a joke. [laughs] 579 00:34:21,993 --> 00:34:23,362 And you don't get it. 580 00:34:23,462 --> 00:34:26,432 [sarcastic laughter] I got it, I got it. 581 00:34:26,532 --> 00:34:30,202 Well, don't act like we've never discussed it on this very couch. 582 00:34:30,302 --> 00:34:32,338 Or were they just campaign promises? 583 00:34:32,438 --> 00:34:35,841 And what if they were? I never won the election anyway. 584 00:34:35,941 --> 00:34:37,243 Ohh... 585 00:34:37,343 --> 00:34:40,279 Oh, I'm sorry. 586 00:34:40,379 --> 00:34:42,348 I guess maybe I was just... 587 00:34:42,448 --> 00:34:44,683 ...pressing a little too hard. 588 00:34:49,020 --> 00:34:52,324 Yeah, I guess maybe you're just tired from such a long journey. 589 00:34:52,424 --> 00:34:55,794 Yeah, that's it. I'm a little tired. 590 00:34:55,894 --> 00:34:58,997 - Will I see you tomorrow? - If you want. 591 00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:01,500 I want. 592 00:35:03,435 --> 00:35:05,237 - Do I get a good night kiss? - Mm-hm. 593 00:35:05,337 --> 00:35:07,473 Wanna kiss me here or at the elevator? 594 00:35:07,573 --> 00:35:11,543 Well, why don't we start here and finish at the elevator? 595 00:35:22,854 --> 00:35:25,457 [whistling] 596 00:35:25,557 --> 00:35:27,493 Hey, Alan, you know what I've been thinking? 597 00:35:27,593 --> 00:35:31,330 Living here with you, I may never have to eat a meal over a sink again. 598 00:35:31,430 --> 00:35:35,567 I mean, you're gonna let me sit in a chair and eat at a table. 599 00:35:35,667 --> 00:35:37,536 Just like real people, aren't ya? 600 00:35:37,636 --> 00:35:38,837 [laughs] 601 00:35:38,937 --> 00:35:41,840 Take it easy, son, not so fast. You might get the bends. 602 00:35:41,940 --> 00:35:43,309 Crazy. Hey, listen, Alan. 603 00:35:43,409 --> 00:35:46,712 By the way, how do you afford this place? 604 00:35:46,812 --> 00:35:48,980 - What do you mean? - Well, I heard you tell Dad 605 00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:50,849 that you write part of it off as a business expense, 606 00:35:50,949 --> 00:35:53,051 but, gee, the rest of it must cost a fortune. 607 00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:56,688 Well, it's a kind of a peculiar situation. 608 00:35:56,788 --> 00:35:58,557 - [Buddy] Yeah? - Um... 609 00:35:58,657 --> 00:36:00,392 Skip it. I'll tell you about it another time. 610 00:36:00,492 --> 00:36:02,561 OK, but how much is my rent? 611 00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:06,632 I mean, you know, I wanna pay my share or I don't wanna live here. 612 00:36:06,732 --> 00:36:08,900 We'll talk about it the first of the month, all right? 613 00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,338 OK. We split everything, 50-50. 614 00:36:12,438 --> 00:36:14,773 Gas, lights, telephone. 615 00:36:14,873 --> 00:36:16,275 Agreed? 616 00:36:21,079 --> 00:36:22,781 [sighs] 617 00:36:24,616 --> 00:36:26,952 Boy, what a birthday. 618 00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:28,820 What birthday? 619 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:32,924 Well, actually it was last week, but... 620 00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:34,626 Holy smokes, I forgot all about it. 621 00:36:34,726 --> 00:36:37,195 - You were 21 years old. - Yeah. 622 00:36:37,296 --> 00:36:42,167 - Happy birthday, kid. - Thanks, Alan. 623 00:36:42,268 --> 00:36:44,236 Least I could've done was to buy you a present. 624 00:36:44,336 --> 00:36:47,706 [scoffs] I wouldn't lose any sleep over that. 625 00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:49,475 Good night, kid. 626 00:36:49,575 --> 00:36:51,643 [yawns] Good night, Alan. 627 00:37:02,754 --> 00:37:05,023 Mom... Mom! 628 00:37:05,123 --> 00:37:06,392 Mom... 629 00:37:06,492 --> 00:37:09,295 Mom, Mom, I just can't come home. 630 00:37:09,395 --> 00:37:11,497 Well, all right, I'll think about it. 631 00:37:11,597 --> 00:37:15,000 But, Mom, listen, please, don't tear up that letter. 632 00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:16,568 I said I'd think about it. 633 00:37:16,668 --> 00:37:19,438 I will! Mom, I'll call you. 634 00:37:19,538 --> 00:37:21,707 Later. Yeah, I promise. 635 00:37:21,807 --> 00:37:23,442 OK. OK, Mom, now... 636 00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:25,176 Mom, listen, please. 637 00:37:25,277 --> 00:37:26,878 Please don't tear up that letter. 638 00:37:26,978 --> 00:37:30,516 OK, Mom. OK. Bye-bye. 639 00:37:31,850 --> 00:37:33,251 How bad is she? 640 00:37:33,352 --> 00:37:36,054 Oh. Oh, she's terrible. 641 00:37:36,154 --> 00:37:40,225 Gee, last night Dad came home and he carried on something awful. 642 00:37:40,326 --> 00:37:43,629 She was closing windows all night long. 643 00:37:43,729 --> 00:37:45,464 You mean he didn't get the letter yet, huh? 644 00:37:45,564 --> 00:37:49,200 No, he went to the office before the letter came. 645 00:37:49,301 --> 00:37:50,836 [exhales] 646 00:37:50,936 --> 00:37:53,204 She's afraid that he's gonna get that thing and read it and 647 00:37:53,305 --> 00:37:56,007 just go to pieces altogether. 648 00:37:58,744 --> 00:38:01,913 Well... what do you wanna do? 649 00:38:03,214 --> 00:38:05,351 I don't know. 650 00:38:06,184 --> 00:38:08,186 Maybe... 651 00:38:08,286 --> 00:38:09,355 Maybe I should go home. 652 00:38:09,455 --> 00:38:11,289 Go home? Why? 653 00:38:11,390 --> 00:38:13,692 Mom's so upset. 654 00:38:17,796 --> 00:38:19,898 What am I supposed to do? 655 00:38:19,998 --> 00:38:21,633 Grow up. 656 00:38:22,033 --> 00:38:23,335 Sure. 657 00:38:23,435 --> 00:38:25,771 Come out of your shell. You're 21 years old now. 658 00:38:25,871 --> 00:38:28,340 Do you mean I should just forget about the whole thing? 659 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:30,275 You've earned your freedom. 660 00:38:30,376 --> 00:38:32,678 Now go out and have a fling at life. 661 00:38:32,778 --> 00:38:35,647 Take a bite out of the real fruit of life. 662 00:38:38,584 --> 00:38:39,751 Maybe you're right. 663 00:38:39,851 --> 00:38:42,621 - Then you'll stay. - Why not? 664 00:38:42,721 --> 00:38:44,690 That's the kid brother I love. 665 00:38:44,790 --> 00:38:47,859 Now the first thing we gotta do is get rid of those square clothes. 666 00:38:47,959 --> 00:38:50,529 Hm? 667 00:38:50,629 --> 00:38:53,865 Yeah, we're gonna make you over from head-to-toe. 668 00:38:53,965 --> 00:38:55,467 Come on. 669 00:39:07,178 --> 00:39:08,980 [coins jingling] 670 00:39:44,650 --> 00:39:46,652 * Make like a Mr. Milquetoast 671 00:39:46,752 --> 00:39:49,387 * And you'll get shutout 672 00:39:50,188 --> 00:39:52,057 * Make like a Mr. Meek 673 00:39:52,157 --> 00:39:55,661 * And you'll get cut out 674 00:39:55,761 --> 00:39:57,963 * Make like a little lamb 675 00:39:58,063 --> 00:40:01,132 * Wham, you're shorn 676 00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:05,771 * I tell you son it's time to come blow your horn * 677 00:40:07,205 --> 00:40:09,274 * Make like a Mr. Mumbles 678 00:40:09,374 --> 00:40:11,877 * And you're a zero 679 00:40:12,678 --> 00:40:14,480 * Make like a Mr. Big 680 00:40:14,580 --> 00:40:18,383 * They dig a hero 681 00:40:18,484 --> 00:40:20,318 * You've got to sound your "A" * 682 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:22,654 * The day you're born 683 00:40:24,122 --> 00:40:28,126 * I tell you chum it's time to come blow your horn * 684 00:40:38,537 --> 00:40:41,339 * The taller the tree is 685 00:40:41,439 --> 00:40:43,909 * The sweeter the peach 686 00:40:44,009 --> 00:40:47,679 * I'll give you the whole magilla * 687 00:40:47,779 --> 00:40:49,915 * In a one word speech 688 00:40:50,015 --> 00:40:51,416 * Reach 689 00:40:51,517 --> 00:40:53,184 * Make like the world's your pudding * 690 00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:56,021 * But light the brandy 691 00:40:56,888 --> 00:40:58,690 * Even the mildest kiss 692 00:40:58,790 --> 00:41:02,761 * Is a dan-dan-dandy 693 00:41:02,861 --> 00:41:05,030 * There'll be no love in bloom * 694 00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:08,033 * Come doomsday morn 695 00:41:08,133 --> 00:41:12,771 * I tell you chum it's time to come blow your horn * 696 00:41:16,307 --> 00:41:19,044 * In civilized jungles 697 00:41:19,144 --> 00:41:21,613 * The females adore 698 00:41:21,713 --> 00:41:25,350 * The lions who come on swinging * 699 00:41:25,450 --> 00:41:27,285 * If you want to score 700 00:41:27,385 --> 00:41:29,721 * Roar 701 00:41:32,057 --> 00:41:34,325 * You can be either read to * 702 00:41:34,425 --> 00:41:37,128 * Or be the reader 703 00:41:39,097 --> 00:41:41,199 * You can be either lead * 704 00:41:41,299 --> 00:41:43,835 * Or be the leader 705 00:41:45,737 --> 00:41:51,109 * Don't wait until you're told you're old and worn * 706 00:41:51,209 --> 00:41:54,012 * Take in some air and get your lips puckered * 707 00:41:54,112 --> 00:41:57,215 * Before you find you're simply too tuckered * 708 00:41:57,315 --> 00:42:00,118 * I tell you chum 709 00:42:26,211 --> 00:42:28,747 * I tell you bum 710 00:42:28,847 --> 00:42:37,856 * It's time to come blow your horn * 711 00:43:02,113 --> 00:43:03,548 [no audio] 712 00:43:03,649 --> 00:43:06,084 [honking] 713 00:43:41,987 --> 00:43:44,255 [light chattering] 714 00:43:51,029 --> 00:43:54,032 You know, I never had a martini before. 715 00:43:54,132 --> 00:43:55,500 It's about time. 716 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:57,736 - Here's looking at you. - Thanks, Alan. 717 00:43:57,836 --> 00:44:00,171 And I might add, it's a pleasure. 718 00:44:00,271 --> 00:44:02,908 Extreme pleasure. 719 00:44:05,376 --> 00:44:07,779 - Another one? - Certainly. 720 00:44:07,879 --> 00:44:09,280 I'm gonna need a gross of these tonight. 721 00:44:09,380 --> 00:44:11,382 I've not only got Eckman, I've got Connie on my hands. 722 00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:15,353 - A double-header. - Hey, it's a triple-header. You forgot Peggy. 723 00:44:16,822 --> 00:44:18,289 Yeah, I forgot about Peggy. 724 00:44:18,389 --> 00:44:21,259 You know, you ought to get one of those little maps 725 00:44:21,359 --> 00:44:24,395 with the stick pins in them, so you know where everybody is. 726 00:44:24,495 --> 00:44:26,631 Hey, I got an idea. What are you doing tonight? 727 00:44:26,732 --> 00:44:27,999 Why? 728 00:44:28,099 --> 00:44:29,868 I'd like to have you take Peggy off my hands. 729 00:44:29,968 --> 00:44:32,603 Me?! She's expecting you. 730 00:44:32,704 --> 00:44:34,505 All you do is turn the lights down low 731 00:44:34,605 --> 00:44:36,908 and she won't figure it out until she's on her way down the elevator. 732 00:44:37,008 --> 00:44:39,677 - You're crazy. - No, that's how I met her. 733 00:44:39,778 --> 00:44:41,913 She rang the wrong bell one night. 734 00:44:42,013 --> 00:44:46,484 Alan, look, Peggy, she probably babysits for guys like me. 735 00:44:46,584 --> 00:44:48,553 Will you trust me, Buddy boy? 736 00:44:48,653 --> 00:44:50,021 She'll be crazy about you. 737 00:44:50,121 --> 00:44:52,590 Nah, she won't. Nah, nah. 738 00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:54,625 Nah, I just can't do it, Alan. Nah, nah. 739 00:44:54,726 --> 00:44:57,028 I got other plans tonight anyway. 740 00:44:57,128 --> 00:44:58,897 You've got other... What kind of plans? 741 00:44:58,997 --> 00:45:02,233 Well, there's an emergency UN meeting on television 742 00:45:02,333 --> 00:45:04,770 and I'm gonna watch it. 743 00:45:05,971 --> 00:45:08,807 The UN? You know that if I offered this deal 744 00:45:08,907 --> 00:45:11,076 to the Security Consulate they'd call the meeting off? 745 00:45:11,176 --> 00:45:14,645 Look, Alan, I don't know if you care about what's going on in the world today, 746 00:45:14,746 --> 00:45:18,283 but I do. I'm watching telebision. 747 00:45:19,184 --> 00:45:21,286 [laughs] You're watching what? 748 00:45:21,386 --> 00:45:23,021 Telebision. 749 00:45:24,055 --> 00:45:25,623 Say that again, I didn't read you. 750 00:45:25,723 --> 00:45:29,260 Telebision. Tel-e-bision. 751 00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:31,229 [both laugh] 752 00:45:31,329 --> 00:45:34,032 Let me tell you something. I wouldn't watch anything I couldn't pronounce. 753 00:45:34,132 --> 00:45:36,367 All right, you pronounce it. 754 00:45:36,467 --> 00:45:38,069 Telebision. 755 00:45:39,871 --> 00:45:41,106 Now, will you take Peggy off my hands? 756 00:45:41,206 --> 00:45:43,842 OK, OK. But she better like telebision, 757 00:45:43,942 --> 00:45:46,377 or I won't take her off your hands. 758 00:45:54,119 --> 00:45:57,422 Look, Alan, I don't care what I said before. The answer's no. 759 00:45:57,522 --> 00:45:59,324 I'm not seeing Peggy. 760 00:46:01,226 --> 00:46:03,594 I don't understand. What gives with you? 761 00:46:03,694 --> 00:46:05,696 Are you afraid or something? 762 00:46:05,797 --> 00:46:07,698 - Well... - You're afraid. 763 00:46:07,799 --> 00:46:09,968 No, I'm not afraid. 764 00:46:10,068 --> 00:46:13,271 All right, I wanted to get you a birthday present anyway. 765 00:46:13,371 --> 00:46:15,606 And I found something you haven't got. 766 00:46:15,706 --> 00:46:19,811 I don't want another birthday present, I'm really very happy the way I am. 767 00:46:19,911 --> 00:46:21,312 Will you do me a favor, please, Buddy? 768 00:46:21,412 --> 00:46:23,781 I can't handle three dates all by myself. 769 00:46:23,882 --> 00:46:26,484 So if you don't want to do it for me, do it for yourself. What do you say? 770 00:46:26,584 --> 00:46:29,787 - No, I really don't want... - That's my kid brother. 771 00:46:29,888 --> 00:46:31,389 Ten-J, please. 772 00:46:31,489 --> 00:46:33,892 I'm gonna set you up so perfectly, you'll be thanking me 773 00:46:33,992 --> 00:46:35,726 for the rest of your life. 774 00:46:35,827 --> 00:46:38,396 Peg? Hello, sweetheart. 775 00:46:39,530 --> 00:46:40,731 How are ya? 776 00:46:40,832 --> 00:46:43,301 Listen, I got good news and I got bad news. 777 00:46:43,401 --> 00:46:45,803 First, the bad news. I can't see you tonight. 778 00:46:45,904 --> 00:46:48,573 No, I got some important business to take care of. 779 00:46:48,673 --> 00:46:51,076 Now, are you ready for the good news? 780 00:46:51,176 --> 00:46:52,911 He's here. 781 00:46:53,011 --> 00:46:54,946 - Macintosh. - Who? 782 00:46:55,046 --> 00:46:58,049 Paul Macintosh, the producer from Paramount. 783 00:46:58,149 --> 00:46:59,717 - What?! - Yeah, he got in this morning. 784 00:46:59,817 --> 00:47:01,586 He's staying with me in my apartment tonight. 785 00:47:01,686 --> 00:47:04,122 - He wants to meet you. - Sorry, Alan. 786 00:47:04,956 --> 00:47:07,592 Well, don't thank me, sweetheart. 787 00:47:07,692 --> 00:47:09,827 No, I'm doing him the favor. 788 00:47:09,928 --> 00:47:12,663 Yeah, in about ten minutes? Yeah, that'll be fine. 789 00:47:12,763 --> 00:47:14,532 - Bye. - [hangs up telephone] 790 00:47:14,632 --> 00:47:17,135 Well, the ball is over the fence now all you gotta do is run the bases. 791 00:47:17,235 --> 00:47:19,637 Are you out of your mind? Me, a producer?! 792 00:47:19,737 --> 00:47:22,440 - You wanna be a director? I'll call her back. - No! Don't do that. 793 00:47:22,540 --> 00:47:27,145 - Look, Alan, doesn't she know what this McQuillan... - Macintosh. 794 00:47:27,245 --> 00:47:29,414 - Doesn't she know what Macintosh looks like? - No! I made him up. 795 00:47:29,514 --> 00:47:32,283 Made him? Well, what if she calls Paramount and finds out... 796 00:47:32,383 --> 00:47:35,720 She doesn't even know how to dial. She's been auditioning all of her life. 797 00:47:35,820 --> 00:47:39,490 - She loves being discovered. - What am I supposed to do, make her a star? 798 00:47:39,590 --> 00:47:41,326 No, just give her a little part in the picture. 799 00:47:41,426 --> 00:47:43,995 - What picture?! - Ha! How do I know? Make one up. 800 00:47:44,095 --> 00:47:48,033 Look, you're my kid brother. When the chips are down, you'll come through. 801 00:47:48,133 --> 00:47:50,068 - But, Alan... - Oh, this is gonna be 802 00:47:50,168 --> 00:47:52,938 the most beautiful night of your life, pal. 803 00:47:53,038 --> 00:47:55,173 Happy birthday. 804 00:47:56,407 --> 00:47:57,575 Happy birthday. 805 00:47:57,675 --> 00:48:02,080 Why couldn't he give me a tie like everybody else? 806 00:48:10,688 --> 00:48:12,423 [doorbell rings] 807 00:48:16,661 --> 00:48:19,630 OK, I'm coming. Just a minute. 808 00:48:31,009 --> 00:48:32,210 Mom! 809 00:48:32,310 --> 00:48:34,445 Oh, darling, I'm so glad you're here. 810 00:48:34,545 --> 00:48:37,548 - Mom, are you all right? - Get me a glass of water, darling. 811 00:48:37,648 --> 00:48:41,152 - I almost fainted on the subway. - Mom, why'd you come here? 812 00:48:41,252 --> 00:48:44,589 And then I got such a dizzy spell, I thought I'd never get here. 813 00:48:44,689 --> 00:48:47,658 What'd you come here for? I told you I'd call you tomorrow. What do you want? 814 00:48:47,758 --> 00:48:49,427 Get me a glass of water, darling. 815 00:48:49,527 --> 00:48:51,262 But, uh... 816 00:48:52,330 --> 00:48:53,531 Oh. 817 00:48:55,433 --> 00:48:58,069 Mom, uh, I hope you'll understand this, but, uh... 818 00:48:58,169 --> 00:49:02,340 - I have an appointment tonight. - Oh, my feet. These shoes are killing me. 819 00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:08,379 Look, you see, I have this appointment and uh... 820 00:49:08,479 --> 00:49:11,516 - Oh, here. - Thank you. 821 00:49:12,183 --> 00:49:13,151 There, feel better? 822 00:49:13,251 --> 00:49:16,087 When did I ever feel better? 823 00:49:16,754 --> 00:49:18,889 Ooh, look at the dirt. 824 00:49:18,990 --> 00:49:20,891 - Look at this place. - It's all right, Mom. 825 00:49:20,992 --> 00:49:24,729 It looks all right? I bet no one's been in here to clean in a year. 826 00:49:24,829 --> 00:49:26,197 Mom, will you, will you listen to me? 827 00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:29,267 Uh, there's a girl coming up here in just a minute. 828 00:49:29,367 --> 00:49:31,469 - To clean? - No, not to clean. 829 00:49:31,569 --> 00:49:34,805 - Uh, she's a friend of mine. - Oh. From our neighborhood? 830 00:49:34,905 --> 00:49:37,208 No, not exactly. You wouldn't know her. 831 00:49:37,308 --> 00:49:39,077 Uh, she's a friend of mine from college 832 00:49:39,177 --> 00:49:41,012 and we're, uh, writing a book together. 833 00:49:41,112 --> 00:49:44,182 Buddy, I want to talk to you about your father. 834 00:49:44,282 --> 00:49:46,751 Mom, we can't talk right now because she's gonna be here in just a minute. 835 00:49:46,851 --> 00:49:49,387 - You told me not to tear up the letter. - Oh, I did. 836 00:49:49,487 --> 00:49:51,389 - I bet you didn't either, did you, Mom? - Course I didn't. 837 00:49:51,489 --> 00:49:53,991 - Right. - But now when he comes home, he's gonna read it 838 00:49:54,092 --> 00:49:56,494 and then you could get killed from the fallout. 839 00:49:56,594 --> 00:49:58,696 Yeah, well, we can't talk about all that right now. 840 00:49:58,796 --> 00:50:00,331 He's gonna blame it all on me. 841 00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:02,667 He's gonna say I was too soft with both of you. 842 00:50:02,767 --> 00:50:06,904 He's gonna say, "Because of you, my sister Gussie has two grandchildren 843 00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:09,040 and all I have is a bum and a letter." 844 00:50:09,140 --> 00:50:13,144 - I know him. - Yeah, well, Mom, supposing I come home tomorrow night, OK? 845 00:50:13,244 --> 00:50:16,547 - And talk to Dad about everything? OK? - Fine, fine. 846 00:50:16,647 --> 00:50:19,284 - Uh, will you come to dinner? - Oh, yeah. I promise. 847 00:50:19,384 --> 00:50:22,953 - I promise. - So what'll I make? 848 00:50:23,054 --> 00:50:24,889 - What? - For dinner? What do you want to eat? 849 00:50:24,989 --> 00:50:28,459 Oh! Anything, Mom. Anything's fine. Yeah. 850 00:50:30,695 --> 00:50:34,799 - Bye! - I want to make something you like, now that you're not home. 851 00:50:34,899 --> 00:50:36,467 OK, how about roast beef? 852 00:50:36,567 --> 00:50:39,270 Roast beef? Fine. I'll make a nice roast beef. 853 00:50:39,370 --> 00:50:41,706 - OK, good. - We had roast beef Monday. 854 00:50:41,806 --> 00:50:44,442 - I can eat it again. - Yeah? All right, darling. 855 00:50:44,542 --> 00:50:46,544 - OK. - Maybe I should get a turkey. 856 00:50:46,644 --> 00:50:48,646 - A nice, big turkey. - Well, all right. 857 00:50:48,746 --> 00:50:52,217 - A turkey sounds just great. Fine, Mom, fine. Bye. - OK. 858 00:50:52,317 --> 00:50:55,186 No, it doesn't pay. A big turkey for three people. 859 00:50:55,286 --> 00:50:56,821 Mom, for heaven's sakes, make anything you like. 860 00:50:56,921 --> 00:50:59,490 Make turkey or roast beef. I don't care what it is. 861 00:50:59,590 --> 00:51:03,594 I'll be there. Now, you just run along home and relax. 862 00:51:03,694 --> 00:51:05,763 And take everything easy. Take a cab. 863 00:51:05,863 --> 00:51:09,434 Take a cab. Where am I gonna get a cab? 864 00:51:09,534 --> 00:51:12,803 Well... I'll get one for you. 865 00:51:12,903 --> 00:51:17,108 - You just wait right there. - Don't rush. 866 00:51:17,208 --> 00:51:18,709 To whom am I talking to? 867 00:51:18,809 --> 00:51:21,912 [groans] My feet. 868 00:51:22,012 --> 00:51:24,649 These shoes are killing me. 869 00:51:32,590 --> 00:51:35,193 [humming] 870 00:51:52,243 --> 00:51:54,312 [telephone ringing] 871 00:52:01,186 --> 00:52:03,554 Hello? Who? 872 00:52:03,654 --> 00:52:08,159 No, he isn't. To whom am I speaking to, please? 873 00:52:08,259 --> 00:52:11,462 Eckman. Mrs. Eckman? 874 00:52:12,163 --> 00:52:13,964 No, no, no. 875 00:52:14,064 --> 00:52:17,034 No, this is Alan's mother. 876 00:52:17,134 --> 00:52:21,206 What? Why should I kid about a thing like that? 877 00:52:22,307 --> 00:52:25,710 No, I am positive he is not here. 878 00:52:25,810 --> 00:52:30,248 A message? Wait a minute. I'll get a pencil. 879 00:52:45,196 --> 00:52:47,332 [telephone ringing] 880 00:52:53,271 --> 00:52:55,039 Hello? 881 00:52:55,139 --> 00:52:57,808 Ohh... Mrs. Eckman? 882 00:52:57,908 --> 00:52:59,477 [stammers, laughs] 883 00:52:59,577 --> 00:53:02,647 Well, excuse me, Mrs. Eckman, I couldn't find a pencil. 884 00:53:02,747 --> 00:53:06,150 Talk fast so I can write it down as soon as you're finished. 885 00:53:06,251 --> 00:53:08,353 This is extremely important. 886 00:53:08,453 --> 00:53:12,189 I just learned my husband flew in from Dallas tonight. 887 00:53:12,290 --> 00:53:14,959 From Dallas, that's right. 888 00:53:15,059 --> 00:53:17,895 I've checked out of the Waldorf, 889 00:53:17,995 --> 00:53:19,530 and into the Hampshire House. 890 00:53:19,630 --> 00:53:21,866 I'll wait here. Do you have that? 891 00:53:21,966 --> 00:53:27,204 Yes. It's extremely important, you just learned your husband 892 00:53:27,305 --> 00:53:29,374 is flying in from Dallas tonight. 893 00:53:29,474 --> 00:53:31,476 And you checked out of the Waldorf 894 00:53:31,576 --> 00:53:33,811 and into the Hampshire House, 895 00:53:33,911 --> 00:53:35,145 and you'll wait there. 896 00:53:35,246 --> 00:53:37,181 Yes, yes, I have it. 897 00:53:37,282 --> 00:53:40,084 Well, I do. No, I can't repeat it, 898 00:53:40,184 --> 00:53:43,654 I'm trying to remember. Please, don't talk anymore 899 00:53:43,754 --> 00:53:46,524 I'm going to write it down quickly. Good-bye. 900 00:53:46,624 --> 00:53:50,227 Some message. It's a book, not a message. 901 00:53:50,328 --> 00:53:53,764 Where's a pencil? Humph. 902 00:53:53,864 --> 00:53:56,767 How could they not have a pencil? 903 00:53:56,867 --> 00:53:58,603 [telephone rings] 904 00:54:03,508 --> 00:54:07,445 Suddenly I'm an answering service? 905 00:54:09,280 --> 00:54:12,149 Hello? Who? 906 00:54:12,249 --> 00:54:13,451 No, no, he's out. 907 00:54:13,551 --> 00:54:16,253 This is Alan's mother. 908 00:54:16,354 --> 00:54:19,390 Why should I kid about a thing like that? 909 00:54:20,257 --> 00:54:22,360 To whom am I speaking, please? 910 00:54:22,460 --> 00:54:25,195 Eckman. Mr. Eckman? 911 00:54:25,296 --> 00:54:28,198 Eckman, where did I hear that name before? 912 00:54:28,299 --> 00:54:31,669 Well, ma'am, you tell your son for me 913 00:54:31,769 --> 00:54:35,005 that a little birdie down in Dallas told me all about him. 914 00:54:35,105 --> 00:54:37,475 Now I don't know whether I'm gonna get the pleasure of meeting up with him 915 00:54:37,575 --> 00:54:42,713 this trip or not, because evidently I got to the Waldorf a little bit too late. 916 00:54:42,813 --> 00:54:45,483 But when I do meet up with him, you tell him for me, 917 00:54:45,583 --> 00:54:48,586 that I'm gonna tear his hide off. Yeah. 918 00:54:48,686 --> 00:54:51,456 Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Mr. Eckman, 919 00:54:51,556 --> 00:54:54,459 I just remembered where I heard your name. Your wife. 920 00:54:54,559 --> 00:54:57,462 Yes, I talked to her just a minute ago. 921 00:54:57,562 --> 00:54:59,397 You see, when you said the Waldorf, 922 00:54:59,497 --> 00:55:01,966 everything came back to me. 923 00:55:02,066 --> 00:55:03,534 [stammers] What? 924 00:55:03,634 --> 00:55:05,703 I should hurry up and tell you? 925 00:55:05,803 --> 00:55:10,675 Look, Mr. Eckman, I am not a secretary. I am just a mother. 926 00:55:10,775 --> 00:55:13,411 Without a pencil. All right, all right! 927 00:55:13,511 --> 00:55:17,415 All I know is she checked out of the Waldorf and she's checking into the... 928 00:55:17,515 --> 00:55:19,617 ...into the... 929 00:55:19,717 --> 00:55:22,587 Something with a "pencil" in it. I mean with a "house" in it. 930 00:55:22,687 --> 00:55:26,156 - The Hampshire House? - Yeah, yeah. That's it. 931 00:55:26,256 --> 00:55:28,092 The Hampshire House. Yeah. 932 00:55:28,192 --> 00:55:31,128 All right, never mind the thanks. Better let me hang up. 933 00:55:31,228 --> 00:55:32,763 Good-bye. 934 00:55:34,131 --> 00:55:38,335 Businessman, college graduate. Doesn't have a pencil. 935 00:55:38,436 --> 00:55:39,970 Huh! 936 00:55:40,705 --> 00:55:42,139 [telephone ringing] 937 00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:45,476 Oh, for heaven sake. 938 00:55:45,576 --> 00:55:47,945 All right, what do you want from me? 939 00:55:54,318 --> 00:55:56,721 Yes. Who? 940 00:55:56,821 --> 00:55:58,789 Who do you want? 941 00:55:58,889 --> 00:56:01,892 No, no. He's out. This is Alan's mother. 942 00:56:01,992 --> 00:56:05,195 Listen, don't start that with me. 943 00:56:05,295 --> 00:56:08,265 Who is this? Connie what? 944 00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:10,167 Again with the message. 945 00:56:10,267 --> 00:56:13,871 Look... [grunting] miss, 946 00:56:13,971 --> 00:56:18,308 maybe you can write it down. I don't have a pencil. 947 00:56:18,409 --> 00:56:22,179 All right, yes. Yes. yes. 948 00:56:22,279 --> 00:56:24,114 Yes, you're welcome. Good-bye! 949 00:56:24,214 --> 00:56:28,586 Good-bye, good luck, go home. Who knows what she said? 950 00:56:32,657 --> 00:56:36,026 [groans] Who tells him to have so many phone calls? 951 00:56:36,126 --> 00:56:38,463 - It's disgusting. - [telephone rings] 952 00:56:38,563 --> 00:56:41,398 What do they want from my life?! 953 00:56:44,502 --> 00:56:48,673 I wouldn't answer it now if it stood on its head. 954 00:56:49,574 --> 00:56:51,876 I'm getting dizzy. 955 00:56:53,010 --> 00:56:55,946 Yes? What is it? 956 00:56:56,046 --> 00:56:58,983 Who is this? Alan who? 957 00:56:59,083 --> 00:57:01,686 A... Alan? 958 00:57:01,786 --> 00:57:03,521 This is your mother! 959 00:57:03,621 --> 00:57:05,422 Did anyone call? 960 00:57:05,523 --> 00:57:07,257 The whole world called. 961 00:57:07,357 --> 00:57:09,026 Mrs. Eckman? Oh, yeah. 962 00:57:09,126 --> 00:57:12,229 She's at the Hampshire House and she's waiting for you. 963 00:57:12,329 --> 00:57:14,632 - [Buddy] OK, Mom, let's go. - I gotta go now. 964 00:57:14,732 --> 00:57:17,301 Yes, darling. Who? Other messages? 965 00:57:17,401 --> 00:57:21,606 Who remembers? Be glad I was here or you wouldn't have that one. 966 00:57:21,706 --> 00:57:25,543 Mom, hurry up. The cab's downstairs waiting. 967 00:57:30,981 --> 00:57:33,450 Oh, I only hope I don't pass out in the taxi. 968 00:57:33,551 --> 00:57:35,152 Don't worry, Mom, you won't. 969 00:57:35,252 --> 00:57:36,887 Bye. 970 00:57:38,723 --> 00:57:41,391 Oh, boy, I couldn't handle Peggy before, but now! 971 00:57:41,492 --> 00:57:43,961 I gotta get out of here. 972 00:57:45,095 --> 00:57:46,731 I'll write her a note. 973 00:57:47,632 --> 00:57:50,234 Let's see, a pencil, pencil. 974 00:57:55,305 --> 00:57:57,642 "Dear Peggy. 975 00:57:58,509 --> 00:58:02,513 More bad news. 976 00:58:02,613 --> 00:58:05,950 Paul Macintosh... 977 00:58:07,117 --> 00:58:10,721 ...is... dead. 978 00:58:12,056 --> 00:58:14,692 Love, Alan." 979 00:58:20,297 --> 00:58:21,932 [doorbell rings] 980 00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:33,844 Hi! I'm Peggy John. 981 00:58:33,944 --> 00:58:38,015 Hi. I'm, I'm not disturbing you or anything, am I? 982 00:58:38,115 --> 00:58:42,319 - Oh, no. Not at all. - Oh, good. 983 00:58:42,419 --> 00:58:44,521 Alan said you wanted to see me. 984 00:58:44,622 --> 00:58:49,426 I do hope you forgive the way I look, but it's been a rather hectic day. 985 00:58:49,526 --> 00:58:51,629 Yeah, it sure has. I know what you mean. 986 00:58:51,729 --> 00:58:55,966 Oh, I mean... No, you look, uh... nice. 987 00:58:56,066 --> 00:58:59,870 Oh, thanks. Coming from you, that's something. 988 00:58:59,970 --> 00:59:03,173 It's a shame you couldn't get up to the ski lodge. 989 00:59:03,273 --> 00:59:04,541 Oh, what ski lodge? 990 00:59:04,642 --> 00:59:08,145 In New Hampshire. Or was it Vermont? 991 00:59:08,245 --> 00:59:10,180 I'm terrible with names. 992 00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:13,117 In fact, I'm afraid I've forgotten yours. 993 00:59:13,217 --> 00:59:15,786 Oh, it's Macintosh. 994 00:59:15,886 --> 00:59:19,189 - Fred Macintosh. - No. Yes. Fred Macintosh. 995 00:59:19,289 --> 00:59:21,025 Right, that's me. 996 00:59:25,295 --> 00:59:27,564 - Oh, would you like to sit down? - Oh, thank you. 997 00:59:27,665 --> 00:59:30,935 I understand you just flew out from Hollywood. 998 00:59:31,035 --> 00:59:34,204 Oh, that's right. Yeah, I did. 999 00:59:36,273 --> 00:59:38,609 Uh, would you like a drink? 1000 00:59:38,709 --> 00:59:41,545 Ooh! Just like a transfusion. 1001 00:59:41,646 --> 00:59:44,448 I don't mind admitting it, but I'm nervous. 1002 00:59:44,548 --> 00:59:46,150 You're nervous? 1003 00:59:46,250 --> 00:59:47,351 Why would you be nervous? 1004 00:59:47,451 --> 00:59:48,753 Well, you know. 1005 00:59:48,853 --> 00:59:51,355 Meeting an important movie producer like yourself 1006 00:59:51,455 --> 00:59:53,858 - under these circumstances. - Yeah, I know what you mean. 1007 00:59:53,958 --> 00:59:56,060 - You do? - Yeah, sure. 1008 00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:58,595 [stammers] I used to feel like that myself. 1009 00:59:58,696 --> 01:00:00,564 - Really? - Uh-huh. 1010 01:00:00,665 --> 01:00:01,866 Now what would you like to drink? 1011 01:00:01,966 --> 01:00:04,001 Well, what are you having? 1012 01:00:04,101 --> 01:00:06,737 Oh, a scotch and ginger ale. 1013 01:00:06,837 --> 01:00:09,173 Scotch and ginger ale? 1014 01:00:09,273 --> 01:00:12,042 Is that the latest kick out on the coast? 1015 01:00:12,142 --> 01:00:14,344 Oh! Oh, yeah! 1016 01:00:14,444 --> 01:00:16,947 - I think that's cute! - You do? 1017 01:00:17,047 --> 01:00:19,650 Oh, yes, I think it's darling! 1018 01:00:19,750 --> 01:00:23,220 It's just adorable! 1019 01:00:33,898 --> 01:00:35,733 - Howdy. - Yes, sir? 1020 01:00:35,833 --> 01:00:37,267 You got a Mrs. Eckman registered? 1021 01:00:37,367 --> 01:00:39,236 - I beg your pardon. - A Mrs. Eckman? 1022 01:00:39,336 --> 01:00:41,571 Mrs. Eckman. Yes, she just checked in. 1023 01:00:41,672 --> 01:00:44,341 Ten-fifteen-A. 1024 01:01:02,860 --> 01:01:05,329 - You have a Mrs. Eckman here? - Eckman? 1025 01:01:05,429 --> 01:01:09,299 Yes. Ten-fifteen-A. 1026 01:01:09,399 --> 01:01:11,936 Ten-fifteen-A. 1027 01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:51,976 - And a boo to you... - [gasps] 1028 01:01:52,076 --> 01:01:55,079 Oh, did I scare you? I didn't mean to, dear. 1029 01:01:55,179 --> 01:01:57,848 Don't be afraid of Waldo, he's harmless. 1030 01:01:58,983 --> 01:02:01,451 I'm the one you have to be afraid of. 1031 01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:03,888 Come here, baby. 1032 01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:16,466 Mm... 1033 01:02:16,566 --> 01:02:18,468 Honey, guess what? 1034 01:02:18,568 --> 01:02:20,737 I got my contact lenses today. 1035 01:02:20,838 --> 01:02:23,407 Yeah, I did. See, they're right there in my eye. 1036 01:02:23,507 --> 01:02:26,276 Well, can't see them, can you? 1037 01:02:26,376 --> 01:02:28,245 They're just... It's incredible what they do for me. 1038 01:02:28,345 --> 01:02:29,914 Here, let me show you how they work. 1039 01:02:30,014 --> 01:02:33,317 You see, you open your eye like that and they drop... 1040 01:02:33,417 --> 01:02:35,252 ...right in your hand. 1041 01:02:38,989 --> 01:02:43,293 The doctor said all you do is just spread they eye, and they drop out. 1042 01:02:43,393 --> 01:02:47,131 Well, they're supposed to drop right in your hand. 1043 01:02:48,833 --> 01:02:50,334 They're not coming out. 1044 01:02:50,434 --> 01:02:52,202 Course they're not coming out. You know why? 1045 01:02:52,302 --> 01:02:56,473 Because they're not there. I left them in the doctor's office. 1046 01:02:56,573 --> 01:03:00,911 Now, Helen, isn't that the stupidest thing you ever heard of ? 1047 01:03:01,011 --> 01:03:03,247 You are Helen Lovequist, aren't you? 1048 01:03:04,514 --> 01:03:08,785 Good heavens, I made a dreadful mistake. 1049 01:03:08,886 --> 01:03:11,555 This isn't even Helen's room. 1050 01:03:11,655 --> 01:03:13,457 Oh, how do you do, sir. 1051 01:03:13,557 --> 01:03:15,559 You must be this young lady's father. 1052 01:03:15,659 --> 01:03:17,361 My name is Spencer. Jefferson Spencer. 1053 01:03:17,461 --> 01:03:20,530 I'm terribly sorry. My apologies to the little lady. 1054 01:03:20,630 --> 01:03:25,469 - I'm terribly sorry, ma'am. - I'm mighty happy to have met you, Mr. Baker. 1055 01:03:25,569 --> 01:03:27,437 Oh, well, thank you... 1056 01:03:30,908 --> 01:03:32,910 [Alan] Down, please. 1057 01:03:40,750 --> 01:03:43,020 [Connie] I could've had a steak ready at the apartment. 1058 01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:45,789 But who knew you were fighting lady heavyweights these days. 1059 01:03:45,890 --> 01:03:47,624 Oh, come on, Connie. 1060 01:03:47,724 --> 01:03:52,662 I explained. I told you I ran into the door of the taxi cab. 1061 01:03:52,762 --> 01:03:54,398 I couldn't understand last night 1062 01:03:54,498 --> 01:03:57,301 why you were fighting so hard to keep me in show business. 1063 01:03:57,401 --> 01:04:00,804 - It's suddenly very clear. - What's very clear? 1064 01:04:00,905 --> 01:04:04,574 It's not my career you're worried about, it's yours. 1065 01:04:04,674 --> 01:04:06,210 - My career? - As a lover. 1066 01:04:06,310 --> 01:04:09,479 Who were you with just now, Alan? 1067 01:04:09,579 --> 01:04:11,448 Was she pretty? 1068 01:04:11,548 --> 01:04:13,750 Oh, honey. Look... 1069 01:04:13,850 --> 01:04:15,452 You know I'm nuts about you. 1070 01:04:15,552 --> 01:04:17,521 Now why do you act like this? 1071 01:04:19,689 --> 01:04:23,093 - What's that? - Mashed potatoes and peas. They come with the steak. 1072 01:04:23,193 --> 01:04:25,562 The steak's for my eye. What am I gonna do with that? 1073 01:04:25,662 --> 01:04:29,433 For all I care, you can stick it in your ear. It comes with the order. 1074 01:04:33,370 --> 01:04:35,805 Don't be mad at me, sweetheart. 1075 01:04:35,906 --> 01:04:38,842 Oh, Alan, I'm not mad. 1076 01:04:38,943 --> 01:04:40,710 I'm serious. 1077 01:04:40,810 --> 01:04:42,479 I'm serious about you. 1078 01:04:42,579 --> 01:04:43,914 You know what I mean? 1079 01:04:44,014 --> 01:04:47,884 Well, sure, I know what you mean. 1080 01:04:47,985 --> 01:04:49,453 Well, for some strange reason 1081 01:04:49,553 --> 01:04:52,022 I felt you felt the same way I did. 1082 01:04:52,122 --> 01:04:54,124 I mean, these past six months were... 1083 01:04:54,224 --> 01:04:56,793 Well, they were wonderful, right? 1084 01:04:56,893 --> 01:05:00,230 That's why I don't want to see them end. 1085 01:05:00,330 --> 01:05:02,132 End? 1086 01:05:02,699 --> 01:05:04,034 Alan... 1087 01:05:04,134 --> 01:05:06,803 Alan, you might be surprised to learn... 1088 01:05:06,903 --> 01:05:09,039 ...that some people think of getting serious 1089 01:05:09,139 --> 01:05:10,975 as a beginning... 1090 01:05:11,075 --> 01:05:13,177 ...not an end. 1091 01:05:23,753 --> 01:05:26,323 - Connie, wait a minute. Wait a minute, dear. - No! 1092 01:05:26,423 --> 01:05:29,326 This isn't fair to either of us. Now let's talk about it for a minute. 1093 01:05:29,426 --> 01:05:31,461 - No. - Look, I got a good idea. 1094 01:05:31,561 --> 01:05:33,897 Look, I have never been in a handsome cab. 1095 01:05:33,998 --> 01:05:38,602 So why don't we go up to Central Park and we'll take a ride in a handsome cab? 1096 01:05:38,702 --> 01:05:43,207 And we'll talk this whole thing out. Would you like a ride in a handsome cab? 1097 01:05:44,874 --> 01:05:47,044 OK. 1098 01:05:51,148 --> 01:05:54,818 Hey, buddy, would you help a fella out? I ain't ate in two days. 1099 01:05:54,918 --> 01:05:56,620 Huh? Come on, what do you say? 1100 01:06:04,861 --> 01:06:08,432 Why didn't I tell him the truth? Why did I have to lie, huh? 1101 01:06:08,532 --> 01:06:11,235 Why didn't I tell him what I really wanted? 1102 01:06:11,935 --> 01:06:13,403 Oh. 1103 01:06:16,773 --> 01:06:18,542 You know, Mr. Macintosh, 1104 01:06:18,642 --> 01:06:20,710 I'm sure you've heard this before, 1105 01:06:20,810 --> 01:06:23,047 but you look awfully young to be a producer. 1106 01:06:23,147 --> 01:06:27,817 - I do? - To look at you, I'd say you were only about 29. 1107 01:06:27,917 --> 01:06:30,054 But I bet I'm way off! 1108 01:06:30,154 --> 01:06:31,755 Yeah, you're way off all right. 1109 01:06:31,855 --> 01:06:33,857 Well, now, down to business. 1110 01:06:33,957 --> 01:06:37,461 - What? - Well, I suppose you'll want to know what I've done. 1111 01:06:37,561 --> 01:06:39,163 Oh, no, no, no, no. Not necessarily. 1112 01:06:39,263 --> 01:06:41,098 I'll be perfectly honest with you. 1113 01:06:41,198 --> 01:06:43,700 I've never been in a movie before. 1114 01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:47,003 - Is that right? - But I'm not totally inexperienced. 1115 01:06:47,104 --> 01:06:48,638 That's what Alan told me. 1116 01:06:48,738 --> 01:06:52,542 Last summer, when I was on the coast, I did a TV film. 1117 01:06:52,642 --> 01:06:55,345 - No kidding? - I was a dead body. 1118 01:06:55,445 --> 01:06:57,614 They fished me out of the river. 1119 01:06:57,714 --> 01:06:59,916 I think I saw that. 1120 01:07:00,016 --> 01:07:01,118 Is that so?! 1121 01:07:01,218 --> 01:07:02,886 Oh, yeah. You were very good. 1122 01:07:02,986 --> 01:07:04,754 Oh, thank you! 1123 01:07:04,854 --> 01:07:09,793 Really now, I think that's the most remarkable coincidence. 1124 01:07:09,893 --> 01:07:11,295 [chuckles] How 'bout that? 1125 01:07:11,395 --> 01:07:14,231 And just think, a year later here we are. 1126 01:07:14,331 --> 01:07:16,500 Life is funny, isn't it? 1127 01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:19,035 Yeah. Hysterical. 1128 01:07:19,136 --> 01:07:23,807 Well, is there anything you'd like me to do? 1129 01:07:25,075 --> 01:07:26,410 What? 1130 01:07:26,510 --> 01:07:28,212 Well, do. 1131 01:07:28,312 --> 01:07:29,713 Like, read a scene 1132 01:07:29,813 --> 01:07:32,882 or do a take-off on a character, like in class. 1133 01:07:32,982 --> 01:07:36,720 Or maybe just talking like this is enough. 1134 01:07:37,654 --> 01:07:38,955 It's plenty. 1135 01:07:39,055 --> 01:07:41,991 As a matter of fact, I'm a little tired. 1136 01:07:42,092 --> 01:07:43,960 Oh, of course! 1137 01:07:44,060 --> 01:07:46,130 - From the trip. - Right, from the trip. 1138 01:07:46,230 --> 01:07:49,933 Would you like me to massage your think muscle? 1139 01:07:50,033 --> 01:07:51,435 - Huh? - Here. 1140 01:07:51,535 --> 01:07:55,572 Now, you just close your eyes and relax. 1141 01:07:55,672 --> 01:07:59,576 - Oh, no, really. I... - No, no. No, I'm very good at this. 1142 01:07:59,676 --> 01:08:02,446 Now just relax, and try and forget 1143 01:08:02,546 --> 01:08:05,582 all about the picture business. 1144 01:08:06,250 --> 01:08:08,418 No. I can feel it. 1145 01:08:08,518 --> 01:08:11,054 You're still thinking about the studio. 1146 01:08:11,155 --> 01:08:12,689 Oh, no. No, I'm not. 1147 01:08:12,789 --> 01:08:14,291 How inconsiderate of me, 1148 01:08:14,391 --> 01:08:17,761 making you talk business on your first night here. 1149 01:08:17,861 --> 01:08:20,530 No wonder you're so tense. 1150 01:08:20,630 --> 01:08:23,633 - Yeah. - But I'll make it up to you. 1151 01:08:23,733 --> 01:08:27,437 I know how to get all that tenseness right out of you. 1152 01:08:28,938 --> 01:08:31,908 You do? How? 1153 01:08:32,008 --> 01:08:33,477 Television! 1154 01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:38,081 Greatest relaxer there is, isn't it? 1155 01:08:38,182 --> 01:08:39,949 Mm-hm. Mm-hm. 1156 01:08:40,049 --> 01:08:42,652 You know, Mr. Macintosh, 1157 01:08:42,752 --> 01:08:45,489 you ought to be in your own pictures. 1158 01:08:45,589 --> 01:08:47,691 That's an interesting show. 1159 01:08:47,791 --> 01:08:50,794 I mean... you're cute. 1160 01:08:50,894 --> 01:08:53,497 Hey, you're gonna miss all the fun. 1161 01:08:53,597 --> 01:08:58,235 Oh, you're so tense, Mr. Macintosh. 1162 01:08:58,335 --> 01:09:00,304 You should relax. 1163 01:09:00,404 --> 01:09:05,975 You're sweet, so adorable, Mr. Macintosh. 1164 01:09:06,075 --> 01:09:07,911 [makes kissing sound] 1165 01:09:18,422 --> 01:09:20,724 - Alan? - Mm-hm. 1166 01:09:20,824 --> 01:09:24,861 Tell me something, and no jokes, because it's too important. 1167 01:09:27,531 --> 01:09:30,734 Why do you take out other girls? 1168 01:09:37,006 --> 01:09:38,875 You know very well why. 1169 01:09:39,909 --> 01:09:42,512 Well, tell me again. 1170 01:09:43,547 --> 01:09:46,783 It's because I'm only human. 1171 01:09:46,883 --> 01:09:50,487 And it's because I've been seeing you for six months. 1172 01:09:50,587 --> 01:09:56,192 And, well, I've had to give up certain things and make sacrifices 1173 01:09:56,293 --> 01:09:59,095 that are against the very nature of man. 1174 01:09:59,195 --> 01:10:02,799 - You mean... - You know very well what I mean. 1175 01:10:06,470 --> 01:10:09,839 All right then, Alan. Let's have the truth. 1176 01:10:09,939 --> 01:10:13,109 Either you've said to yourself, "I'm going to marry this girl," 1177 01:10:13,209 --> 01:10:14,744 or "I'm going to have an affair with her." 1178 01:10:14,844 --> 01:10:17,647 All I ask is that you let me in on your decision. 1179 01:10:17,747 --> 01:10:20,317 I mean, if marriage is out, just say so. 1180 01:10:20,417 --> 01:10:22,218 And we'll get on with the affair. 1181 01:10:22,319 --> 01:10:24,988 But, if you're in love with me, 1182 01:10:25,088 --> 01:10:27,457 as I am with you, 1183 01:10:27,557 --> 01:10:29,125 you have to tell me 1184 01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:32,696 and be prepared to back it up with the rest of your life. 1185 01:10:38,602 --> 01:10:40,737 Well, which is it to be, Alan? 1186 01:10:40,837 --> 01:10:46,576 Do we march down the aisle or up to your apartment? 1187 01:10:46,676 --> 01:10:48,945 That's the lousiest thing I ever heard. 1188 01:10:49,045 --> 01:10:50,614 What am I supposed to say? 1189 01:10:50,714 --> 01:10:54,418 Well, Alan, say what you really feel. 1190 01:10:54,951 --> 01:10:56,320 Well, how can I? 1191 01:10:56,420 --> 01:10:59,389 If I say "I want you", I'm yours. 1192 01:10:59,489 --> 01:11:02,191 If I say "I love you", you're mine. 1193 01:11:02,292 --> 01:11:04,361 - It's that simple. - Oh, no. 1194 01:11:04,461 --> 01:11:07,931 I'm not playing at this game. This is more dangerous than Russian Roulette. 1195 01:11:08,031 --> 01:11:09,999 Driver, stop. 1196 01:11:13,770 --> 01:11:16,139 It's just being honest with each other, Alan, 1197 01:11:16,239 --> 01:11:17,774 but you don't want that. 1198 01:11:17,874 --> 01:11:19,576 You won't even be honest with yourself. 1199 01:11:19,676 --> 01:11:21,511 Connie, wait a minute, will you, please? 1200 01:11:21,611 --> 01:11:23,513 - I want to talk to you. Connie! - Taxi! Taxi! 1201 01:11:23,613 --> 01:11:26,716 Now just a second. Now hold it a minute. 1202 01:11:26,816 --> 01:11:28,184 What's the big idea? 1203 01:11:28,284 --> 01:11:30,286 I'd say you needed a chance to think. 1204 01:11:30,387 --> 01:11:32,121 No, I don't. 1205 01:11:32,221 --> 01:11:33,523 You mean you've made up your mind? 1206 01:11:33,623 --> 01:11:36,893 - I have. - Well? 1207 01:11:36,993 --> 01:11:39,363 - You'll go along with it? - To the letter. 1208 01:11:39,463 --> 01:11:42,766 OK. OK, then. 1209 01:11:42,866 --> 01:11:46,302 Let's march right up to my apartment. 1210 01:11:46,403 --> 01:11:49,806 That's the lousiest thing I ever heard. 1211 01:11:51,341 --> 01:11:53,076 - Where are you going? - To my place. 1212 01:11:53,176 --> 01:11:55,345 If I'm going to do business at your apartment, 1213 01:11:55,445 --> 01:11:58,815 I might as well get the rest of my merchandise. Let's go, driver. 1214 01:12:04,220 --> 01:12:06,590 [soft music plays] 1215 01:12:12,061 --> 01:12:17,434 Mr. Macintosh, may I tell you something? 1216 01:12:18,835 --> 01:12:22,305 I'm awfully glad your friend, Alan, couldn't make it tonight. 1217 01:12:22,406 --> 01:12:24,608 - You are? - Uh-huh. 1218 01:12:24,708 --> 01:12:26,610 [telephone rings] 1219 01:12:30,547 --> 01:12:32,882 Cool it, man, I'm coming. 1220 01:12:32,982 --> 01:12:35,084 I'm coming. 1221 01:12:36,586 --> 01:12:38,988 All right, take it easy. 1222 01:12:40,023 --> 01:12:41,324 I'll answer it. 1223 01:12:41,425 --> 01:12:43,560 Hello. 1224 01:12:43,660 --> 01:12:46,295 Dad! Dad, where are you? 1225 01:12:46,396 --> 01:12:47,664 Downstairs?! 1226 01:12:47,764 --> 01:12:50,166 No, don't come up. Don't come up. 1227 01:12:50,266 --> 01:12:51,501 Uh, there's nobody here. 1228 01:12:51,601 --> 01:12:53,369 I mean, no, Alan's not here. 1229 01:12:53,470 --> 01:12:55,271 [nervous chuckle] Uh, what? 1230 01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:58,775 Well, look, supposing... supposing I come downstairs? 1231 01:12:58,875 --> 01:13:01,044 What, Dad... 1232 01:13:01,144 --> 01:13:03,379 Dad? Dad? 1233 01:13:03,480 --> 01:13:05,749 Oh, boy. 1234 01:13:07,617 --> 01:13:09,118 [Peggy] Is anything wrong? 1235 01:13:09,218 --> 01:13:10,520 What? Oh, no. 1236 01:13:10,620 --> 01:13:13,289 Uh, it's just someone I didn't want to see. 1237 01:13:13,389 --> 01:13:14,691 Uh, a writer. 1238 01:13:14,791 --> 01:13:17,461 A writer? It sounded like it was your father. 1239 01:13:17,561 --> 01:13:20,430 Oh, no. Dad's just a nickname! 1240 01:13:20,530 --> 01:13:22,632 [nervous laugh] We call him "Dad". 1241 01:13:22,732 --> 01:13:28,271 Like, like Ernest Hemingway they called "Papa". You know? 1242 01:13:28,371 --> 01:13:29,773 Dad... Ernest... Papa... 1243 01:13:29,873 --> 01:13:33,176 Well, anyway, uh, Dad's coming up now. 1244 01:13:33,276 --> 01:13:36,345 And, uh, we kind of have to talk alone for a few minutes. 1245 01:13:36,446 --> 01:13:38,648 Uh, about some changes in the script. 1246 01:13:38,748 --> 01:13:41,384 - Oh! I understand. - Sure. 1247 01:13:41,485 --> 01:13:44,020 Maybe I'll go down to my place for a bit. 1248 01:13:44,120 --> 01:13:46,122 That's it! Will you do that? 1249 01:13:46,222 --> 01:13:48,692 - Of course. - Oh. 1250 01:13:49,292 --> 01:13:50,694 [exhales] 1251 01:13:50,794 --> 01:13:52,328 Oh, no! Not that way! 1252 01:13:52,428 --> 01:13:57,400 Not that way. You see, I don't want him to know I'm auditioning 1253 01:13:57,501 --> 01:13:59,202 someone else for the part. 1254 01:13:59,302 --> 01:14:03,139 Because I think he has some other actress in mind already. 1255 01:14:03,239 --> 01:14:06,543 Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr. Macintosh. 1256 01:14:06,643 --> 01:14:08,478 - Thanks an awful lot. - Sure. 1257 01:14:08,578 --> 01:14:10,346 I'll go out the back. I know the way. 1258 01:14:10,446 --> 01:14:12,816 - OK. - Bye. 1259 01:14:12,916 --> 01:14:14,684 Bye. 1260 01:14:15,351 --> 01:14:17,186 [door opens] 1261 01:14:17,286 --> 01:14:18,922 [door closes] 1262 01:14:41,878 --> 01:14:44,147 [doorbell ringing repeatedly] 1263 01:14:58,327 --> 01:15:00,096 Why, hi, Dad. 1264 01:15:00,797 --> 01:15:02,599 Uh, you all right, Dad? 1265 01:15:02,699 --> 01:15:05,535 Is there anything wrong? 1266 01:15:07,737 --> 01:15:10,073 I really wasn't expecting you up tonight. 1267 01:15:10,173 --> 01:15:14,377 I was gonna go home and have a nice, long talk with you tomorrow night. 1268 01:15:14,477 --> 01:15:18,615 I, uh, I even told Mom I'd come home for dinner. 1269 01:15:20,416 --> 01:15:22,886 Boy, you're really angry, aren't you, Dad? 1270 01:15:22,986 --> 01:15:24,988 Me, angry? 1271 01:15:25,088 --> 01:15:26,355 Why should I be angry? 1272 01:15:26,455 --> 01:15:27,991 About the letter. 1273 01:15:28,091 --> 01:15:29,759 What letter? 1274 01:15:29,859 --> 01:15:32,395 This letter. The letter I wrote you. 1275 01:15:32,495 --> 01:15:34,764 Oh, no. You didn't write this letter. 1276 01:15:34,864 --> 01:15:37,366 Somebody I don't know wrote this letter, not you. 1277 01:15:37,466 --> 01:15:40,570 You, I know. This person, I never met. 1278 01:15:40,670 --> 01:15:43,406 Dad, don't you think we could wait till tomorrow night to talk about this? 1279 01:15:43,506 --> 01:15:46,209 I mean, you'll be calmer. We can talk better. 1280 01:15:46,309 --> 01:15:49,545 What's there to talk about? It's signed, sealed and delivered. 1281 01:15:49,646 --> 01:15:52,015 [laughs] The Declaration of Independence. 1282 01:15:52,115 --> 01:15:55,785 Dad, I really think you're too upset now to discuss this logically. 1283 01:15:55,885 --> 01:15:59,055 Listen, I expected it. You hang around your brother long enough, 1284 01:15:59,155 --> 01:16:00,556 it was bound to happen. 1285 01:16:00,657 --> 01:16:04,060 So, what's the wind up? 1286 01:16:04,160 --> 01:16:07,396 My sister Gussie has two grandchildren... 1287 01:16:07,496 --> 01:16:09,032 ...and I got a bum and a letter! 1288 01:16:09,132 --> 01:16:11,334 Dad, look, this didn't suddenly happen. 1289 01:16:11,434 --> 01:16:14,437 Now, I've tried to explain to you many times how I felt. 1290 01:16:14,537 --> 01:16:16,072 But you'd never listen to me. 1291 01:16:16,172 --> 01:16:20,777 All right. I would like to hear from your own lips, nicely, 1292 01:16:20,877 --> 01:16:24,413 why a young, single boy can't live at home with his parents. 1293 01:16:24,513 --> 01:16:26,382 - Young boy?! - Nicely. 1294 01:16:26,482 --> 01:16:28,584 - Dad, I'm 21! - You're 21? 1295 01:16:28,685 --> 01:16:30,153 You say it as if you don't believe me. 1296 01:16:30,253 --> 01:16:32,488 - I was 21 last week! - Whatever you say. 1297 01:16:32,588 --> 01:16:35,625 - What do you mean, "whatever I say"?! - Nicely! 1298 01:16:35,725 --> 01:16:38,327 OK, I say I was 21. 1299 01:16:38,427 --> 01:16:40,797 Now that's old enough for a man to be out on his own. 1300 01:16:40,897 --> 01:16:42,932 When you were 21, you were out on your own. 1301 01:16:43,032 --> 01:16:46,535 - You were there? - No, I wasn't there. 1302 01:16:46,636 --> 01:16:48,504 You've told me yourself. 1303 01:16:48,604 --> 01:16:50,606 Those days were altogether different. 1304 01:16:50,707 --> 01:16:53,710 I was working when I was 11 years old. 1305 01:16:53,810 --> 01:16:55,578 I never went to camp! 1306 01:16:55,679 --> 01:16:57,981 What's camp got to do with all this?! 1307 01:16:58,081 --> 01:16:59,816 - I'll walk right out of here in a minute. - All right. 1308 01:16:59,916 --> 01:17:03,186 OK, Dad, I don't mean to be disrespectful now, but 1309 01:17:03,286 --> 01:17:07,791 well, your answers just never match my questions. 1310 01:17:08,725 --> 01:17:10,093 That too, huh? 1311 01:17:10,193 --> 01:17:13,262 Now I don't talk fancy enough for you, huh? 1312 01:17:13,362 --> 01:17:15,965 - Dad. - Soon even the business won't be good enough for you. 1313 01:17:16,065 --> 01:17:18,134 Well, now that you mention it, I've been thinking about that too. 1314 01:17:18,234 --> 01:17:22,538 - Huh? - Maybe the business isn't the right field for me. 1315 01:17:22,638 --> 01:17:24,674 Not the right field?! 1316 01:17:25,608 --> 01:17:27,210 I give the boy the biggest 1317 01:17:27,310 --> 01:17:30,579 artificial fruit manufacturing house in the east, 1318 01:17:30,680 --> 01:17:32,448 and he tells me "not the right field"?! 1319 01:17:32,548 --> 01:17:35,018 - [laughs] - Dad, I don't know if I have any talent or not, 1320 01:17:35,118 --> 01:17:37,520 but I've always kind of toyed with the idea of being a writer. 1321 01:17:37,620 --> 01:17:38,988 A writer? What kind of a writer? 1322 01:17:39,088 --> 01:17:41,524 Letters? Letters you write beautifully. 1323 01:17:41,624 --> 01:17:43,927 I don't know who's gonna buy them, but they're terrific. 1324 01:17:44,027 --> 01:17:46,395 Dad, look, will you just forget about the business for now? 1325 01:17:46,495 --> 01:17:48,031 I'll stay and work for you, OK? 1326 01:17:48,131 --> 01:17:51,701 Now, look, Dad, all I want tonight is your blessing 1327 01:17:51,801 --> 01:17:54,437 for me to live here with Alan. 1328 01:17:54,537 --> 01:17:56,372 You want my blessing? 1329 01:17:57,506 --> 01:17:59,442 I'll tell you what I'll do. 1330 01:17:59,542 --> 01:18:01,677 - What? - We had a disagreement, 1331 01:18:01,778 --> 01:18:05,214 a dispute, we'll arbitrate. 1332 01:18:05,314 --> 01:18:08,251 - OK. - I heard your side, you heard my side. 1333 01:18:08,351 --> 01:18:11,921 If you want, we'll give it a six month trial period. 1334 01:18:12,021 --> 01:18:14,557 Fairer than that I couldn't be. 1335 01:18:14,657 --> 01:18:16,793 Gee, I think that's very fair, Dad. 1336 01:18:16,893 --> 01:18:19,328 Oh, that's wonderful. Six months is just fine! 1337 01:18:19,428 --> 01:18:22,899 - Wonderful! - Then it's settled. You'll come home and live for six months. 1338 01:18:22,999 --> 01:18:25,234 Come home?! You don't want to give me a trial period, 1339 01:18:25,334 --> 01:18:26,803 you don't want to be fair to me at all! 1340 01:18:26,903 --> 01:18:28,371 Listen, don't you raise your voice to me! 1341 01:18:28,471 --> 01:18:30,940 You're not too big to get a good slap across the face! 1342 01:18:31,040 --> 01:18:33,076 - I'm sorry, Dad. - You're here one day. 1343 01:18:33,176 --> 01:18:36,079 When did you ever yell at me before?! 1344 01:18:36,179 --> 01:18:40,817 Never, I guess. Now that you mention it. 1345 01:18:40,917 --> 01:18:43,586 I've been some terrible father to you, haven't I? 1346 01:18:43,686 --> 01:18:45,154 Dad, no, you've been fine. 1347 01:18:45,254 --> 01:18:48,257 You've been wonderful. That's not what I mean. 1348 01:18:48,357 --> 01:18:52,195 All I'm asking you to do is meet me halfway. 1349 01:18:52,295 --> 01:18:54,931 - I'll let you know. - What do you mean you'll let me know? 1350 01:18:55,031 --> 01:18:58,234 We'll see. You're coming home for dinner tomorrow night, we'll see. 1351 01:18:58,334 --> 01:19:00,870 OK, wonderful, Dad. Great. Thanks a lot. 1352 01:19:00,970 --> 01:19:03,572 - Good night, now. - [Peggy] Hi. 1353 01:19:03,672 --> 01:19:07,811 Ooh, pardon me. You said you'd just be a few minutes. 1354 01:19:07,911 --> 01:19:11,514 This is some busy little girl. 1355 01:19:11,614 --> 01:19:14,450 Oh, hi, Dad! 1356 01:19:17,854 --> 01:19:20,824 Ooh, excuse me. 1357 01:19:20,924 --> 01:19:22,859 I'll just wait in there. 1358 01:19:22,959 --> 01:19:28,364 Ooh, I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Macintosh. 1359 01:19:35,438 --> 01:19:36,873 Macintosh? 1360 01:19:36,973 --> 01:19:38,808 Now even his name isn't good enough? 1361 01:19:38,908 --> 01:19:40,476 - Dad, you don't understand. - Bum! 1362 01:19:40,576 --> 01:19:42,411 - Dad, if you'll just let me explain... - Bum! 1363 01:19:42,511 --> 01:19:44,814 - Dad, I know I can straighten it... - Bum! 1364 01:19:44,914 --> 01:19:46,715 - ...all out if... - Twenty-one years old, 1365 01:19:46,816 --> 01:19:51,087 already you're a bigger bum than your brother is and you got 18 years to go! 1366 01:19:51,187 --> 01:19:54,623 Oh, Dad, now, listen. [stammering] I can explain everything... 1367 01:19:54,723 --> 01:19:57,126 Ah! The other bum! 1368 01:19:57,226 --> 01:20:01,097 Come on in, bum, we're having a party! 1369 01:20:01,197 --> 01:20:03,799 What are you doing here, Dad? 1370 01:20:03,900 --> 01:20:05,801 I was invited to dinner. 1371 01:20:05,902 --> 01:20:08,571 That's some cook you got in there. 1372 01:20:08,671 --> 01:20:10,806 What cook? What's he talking about? 1373 01:20:10,907 --> 01:20:12,842 Uh, he means Peggy. 1374 01:20:12,942 --> 01:20:15,144 Oh, why don't you tell him she's waiting for me? 1375 01:20:15,244 --> 01:20:19,248 I don't need you to make up stories for this. I got Tennessee Williams. 1376 01:20:19,348 --> 01:20:21,184 [doorbell rings] 1377 01:20:22,785 --> 01:20:24,988 - [Alan] Eckman! - Eckman? 1378 01:20:25,088 --> 01:20:27,523 From Dallas? The buyer's brother? 1379 01:20:29,092 --> 01:20:31,995 Eckman, from Dallas... 1380 01:20:32,095 --> 01:20:34,330 ...the buyer's husband. 1381 01:20:36,332 --> 01:20:40,870 - Mr. Eckman? - You left your sample case, Mr. Baker. 1382 01:20:40,970 --> 01:20:42,638 I wanted to make sure you got it back. 1383 01:20:42,738 --> 01:20:44,340 - You're not gonna make a scene, are you? - Southern hospitality. 1384 01:20:44,440 --> 01:20:46,075 - Don't make any scenes, will ya? - Let's see here. 1385 01:20:46,175 --> 01:20:47,944 Everything is arranged, yes. 1386 01:20:48,044 --> 01:20:51,514 Here we have your 822-B ripe banana. 1387 01:20:54,583 --> 01:20:55,584 And let's see... Ah! 1388 01:20:55,684 --> 01:20:58,521 Naval orange, 55-A. 1389 01:20:58,621 --> 01:21:00,023 [shatters] 1390 01:21:00,123 --> 01:21:04,560 And what's this? The 300-A seedless grapes. 1391 01:21:05,461 --> 01:21:06,562 [smashes with foot] 1392 01:21:06,662 --> 01:21:11,400 And your 82-W Pippin apple. 1393 01:21:14,737 --> 01:21:16,639 Ah, and your latest item, 1394 01:21:16,739 --> 01:21:20,376 the 99 stemless purple plum. 1395 01:21:22,011 --> 01:21:23,579 [popping sound] 1396 01:21:24,880 --> 01:21:26,950 Good day, gentlemen. 1397 01:21:31,820 --> 01:21:34,090 Oh, by the way, Mr. Baker, 1398 01:21:34,190 --> 01:21:38,127 if I ever catch you even near Neiman Marcus again, 1399 01:21:38,227 --> 01:21:43,432 I'm gonna jump on you till your eyes bug out like a stomped-on toad frog. 1400 01:21:44,100 --> 01:21:45,668 Good night, gentlemen. 1401 01:21:54,410 --> 01:21:57,446 He was... He was just kind of clowning. 1402 01:21:57,546 --> 01:22:00,116 You know, he does this all the time. 1403 01:22:00,783 --> 01:22:02,785 Now, Dad... 1404 01:22:02,885 --> 01:22:04,954 If you give me a couple of seconds, I can explain what happened. 1405 01:22:05,054 --> 01:22:08,591 - Yeah, Alan can tell you, Dad. It's, uh... - Will you listen to me? 1406 01:22:08,691 --> 01:22:12,295 Dad, will you just hear him out, for just a second, please? 1407 01:22:16,332 --> 01:22:20,069 May you and your brother live and be well. 1408 01:22:20,169 --> 01:22:24,507 God bless you all the luck in the world. 1409 01:22:24,607 --> 01:22:29,979 You should know nothing but happiness. 1410 01:22:38,687 --> 01:22:42,458 If I ever speak to either one of you again... 1411 01:22:45,761 --> 01:22:48,397 ...my tongue should fall out! 1412 01:22:52,035 --> 01:22:53,702 Maybe he didn't mean it? 1413 01:22:53,802 --> 01:22:56,039 [loud crashing] 1414 01:22:58,574 --> 01:23:00,543 He meant it. 1415 01:23:02,111 --> 01:23:03,479 So we're fired. 1416 01:23:03,579 --> 01:23:07,050 Yeah, don't let it eat your heart out, will ya? 1417 01:23:14,123 --> 01:23:16,625 Hey, Dad! Dad! 1418 01:23:23,166 --> 01:23:25,968 Hey, Alan! 1419 01:23:26,069 --> 01:23:28,003 Connie. 1420 01:23:30,306 --> 01:23:34,243 What are you doing here? What do you got in that bag? 1421 01:23:34,343 --> 01:23:36,545 The rest of my merchandise. I'll see you upstairs. 1422 01:23:36,645 --> 01:23:38,781 Oh, no. Get back in the car there. What's the matter with you? 1423 01:23:38,881 --> 01:23:41,517 Why, Alan, I think this is wonderful service. 1424 01:23:41,617 --> 01:23:43,452 You don't even have to pick up. We deliver. 1425 01:23:43,552 --> 01:23:47,456 - Now you stop that. You get back in there. - Oh, Alan, don't. 1426 01:23:52,328 --> 01:23:55,264 Now, look, dear, honest, this whole thing's all wrong. 1427 01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:57,200 I mean, I just can't go through with it. 1428 01:23:57,300 --> 01:23:59,168 I probably could with somebody else, 1429 01:23:59,268 --> 01:24:02,037 but I can't go through with it with you. It's different. 1430 01:24:02,138 --> 01:24:04,573 Careful, Alan. 1431 01:24:04,673 --> 01:24:05,941 You'll commit yourself. 1432 01:24:06,041 --> 01:24:07,843 Well, I don't care. 1433 01:24:07,943 --> 01:24:10,546 You know I love you. 1434 01:24:10,646 --> 01:24:12,448 - You do? - Of course I do. 1435 01:24:12,548 --> 01:24:13,882 If I turned down an offer like this, 1436 01:24:13,982 --> 01:24:16,085 I must be in love with you. 1437 01:24:16,185 --> 01:24:19,588 You do? You really do? 1438 01:24:20,089 --> 01:24:21,390 Oh, Alan! 1439 01:24:21,490 --> 01:24:23,459 Oh, Alan, I want to get married now. 1440 01:24:23,559 --> 01:24:25,494 I want to get married tonight. 1441 01:24:25,594 --> 01:24:27,496 Oh, wait a minute, baby, not so fast, honey. 1442 01:24:27,596 --> 01:24:30,133 No, not too fast. You see, a lot of things have happened to me tonight. 1443 01:24:30,233 --> 01:24:32,868 For instance, I just lost my job. 1444 01:24:32,968 --> 01:24:35,138 - I thought you worked for your father. - Well, I did, 1445 01:24:35,238 --> 01:24:39,275 but we've had a heck of a recession and he just let two of his sons go. 1446 01:24:39,375 --> 01:24:43,279 Oh, well. You'll get another job. 1447 01:24:43,379 --> 01:24:47,650 Sweetheart, wait a minute. Dear, there's my kid brother I have to worry about. 1448 01:24:47,750 --> 01:24:50,719 - Oh, your brother. - My brother. 1449 01:24:52,521 --> 01:24:56,425 And your sisters and your cousins? 1450 01:24:56,525 --> 01:24:59,228 And your girlfriends by the dozens? 1451 01:24:59,328 --> 01:25:01,864 Oh, now, Connie, please. 1452 01:25:01,964 --> 01:25:03,732 Out. 1453 01:25:03,832 --> 01:25:05,234 What do you mean "out"? 1454 01:25:05,334 --> 01:25:07,303 - Look... - Out, Alan. 1455 01:25:07,403 --> 01:25:09,638 Wait a minute, until everything is cleared up, 1456 01:25:09,738 --> 01:25:12,141 why can't we just go on with things the way they've been? 1457 01:25:12,241 --> 01:25:15,244 It's over, Alan, you're just not ready. 1458 01:25:15,344 --> 01:25:17,580 Not for any kind of relationship. 1459 01:25:17,680 --> 01:25:21,317 And it's just possible you never will be. 1460 01:25:22,185 --> 01:25:24,019 And if you'll excuse me, 1461 01:25:24,119 --> 01:25:26,021 I have some weeping to do. 1462 01:25:26,121 --> 01:25:28,991 Sweetheart. 1463 01:25:29,091 --> 01:25:30,593 [engine starts] 1464 01:26:10,633 --> 01:26:12,100 [door opens] 1465 01:26:12,201 --> 01:26:15,003 Harry, is that you? 1466 01:26:15,103 --> 01:26:16,739 [door slams] 1467 01:26:16,839 --> 01:26:19,375 That's you. 1468 01:26:31,654 --> 01:26:35,791 Well, darling, did you have a nice day? 1469 01:26:38,561 --> 01:26:42,164 I, I made you a lovely dinner. 1470 01:26:42,265 --> 01:26:44,199 Oh, no, no. 1471 01:26:44,300 --> 01:26:45,734 That's for tomorrow. 1472 01:26:45,834 --> 01:26:47,770 It's on the table. Come. 1473 01:26:47,870 --> 01:26:49,905 Come, darling, and sit down. 1474 01:26:50,273 --> 01:26:51,807 Here. 1475 01:27:10,259 --> 01:27:11,627 Harry... 1476 01:27:11,727 --> 01:27:14,563 You know, since Buddy left, three months already, 1477 01:27:14,663 --> 01:27:16,865 you haven't said a civil word to me. 1478 01:27:16,965 --> 01:27:19,502 Not so much as a pleasant hello. 1479 01:27:19,602 --> 01:27:23,171 Well, today you're going to have to force yourself. 1480 01:27:23,272 --> 01:27:25,207 You know why? 1481 01:27:25,308 --> 01:27:28,444 It's our anniversary, 43 years. 1482 01:27:29,177 --> 01:27:31,414 Forty-three years. 1483 01:27:31,880 --> 01:27:33,282 Well... 1484 01:27:33,382 --> 01:27:35,718 ...happy anniversary, darling. 1485 01:27:36,752 --> 01:27:39,955 I wish you all the happiness in the world. 1486 01:27:40,055 --> 01:27:42,190 Thank you. 1487 01:27:42,291 --> 01:27:44,126 I wish you what you wish me. 1488 01:27:44,226 --> 01:27:47,330 What did I do you should say such a thing? 1489 01:27:47,430 --> 01:27:49,298 All I did was wish you what you wish me. 1490 01:27:49,398 --> 01:27:51,700 - But you know what I wish you. - You bet I do! 1491 01:27:51,800 --> 01:27:54,370 Harry, don't start. The neighbors. 1492 01:27:54,470 --> 01:27:55,904 Leave it alone! 1493 01:27:56,004 --> 01:27:58,006 The neighbors should hear what a wife wishes her husband. 1494 01:27:58,106 --> 01:28:01,410 What could I wish you, a man who turns his back on two sons? 1495 01:28:01,510 --> 01:28:04,212 Sons? What sons? You never gave me sons, you gave me bums! 1496 01:28:04,313 --> 01:28:05,548 Harry, don't say that again. 1497 01:28:05,648 --> 01:28:08,216 I will not listen to that anymore. 1498 01:28:08,317 --> 01:28:10,319 You won't? Then who will? Maybe the neighbors? 1499 01:28:10,419 --> 01:28:12,187 - Harry, don't you dare! - Huh? 1500 01:28:12,287 --> 01:28:16,024 Harry... Harry. 1501 01:28:16,124 --> 01:28:17,893 This is no life for us. 1502 01:28:17,993 --> 01:28:21,129 We don't know how to live without children. 1503 01:28:21,229 --> 01:28:25,701 We'll learn. We'll learn, Sophie. We'll travel. 1504 01:28:25,801 --> 01:28:27,370 Faraway places. 1505 01:28:27,470 --> 01:28:29,872 No, Harry, I won't. I can't. 1506 01:28:29,972 --> 01:28:33,342 Not until everything is right between you and the boys. 1507 01:28:33,442 --> 01:28:35,310 - You won't go with me? - No! 1508 01:28:35,411 --> 01:28:38,647 - Then I'll take a neighbor! - Harry! 1509 01:28:38,747 --> 01:28:40,949 - Neighbor! - Harry! 1510 01:28:41,049 --> 01:28:44,286 - [up-tempo music plays] - Three, four, cha-cha-cha. 1511 01:28:44,387 --> 01:28:46,389 Very good, cha-cha-cha. 1512 01:28:46,489 --> 01:28:48,391 To the right, cha-cha-cha. 1513 01:28:48,491 --> 01:28:50,526 And again, cha-cha-cha. 1514 01:28:50,626 --> 01:28:52,428 Here we go, cha-cha-cha. 1515 01:28:52,528 --> 01:28:54,329 Baby, cha-cha-cha. 1516 01:28:54,430 --> 01:28:56,331 Hey, baby! 1517 01:28:56,432 --> 01:28:58,501 Hurry up. 1518 01:28:58,601 --> 01:29:00,536 Three, four, cha-cha-cha. 1519 01:29:00,636 --> 01:29:02,304 One, two, cha-cha-cha. 1520 01:29:02,405 --> 01:29:04,172 Very good, cha-cha-cha. 1521 01:29:04,272 --> 01:29:06,809 Tonight's the night, cha-cha-cha. 1522 01:29:09,311 --> 01:29:11,113 Hi, Alan. Cha-cha-cha. 1523 01:29:11,213 --> 01:29:12,815 How are you? Cha-cha-cha. 1524 01:29:12,915 --> 01:29:16,619 - One, two, cha-cha-cha. - Anybody call me today? 1525 01:29:16,719 --> 01:29:18,921 To the right, cha-cha-cha. 1526 01:29:19,021 --> 01:29:20,255 One, two, cha-cha-cha. 1527 01:29:20,355 --> 01:29:22,324 I said, did anybody call me today? 1528 01:29:22,425 --> 01:29:25,227 Mr. Copeland and Mr. Sampler. Cha-cha-cha. 1529 01:29:25,327 --> 01:29:26,995 - One, two, cha-cha-cha. - What did they say? 1530 01:29:27,095 --> 01:29:29,031 Three, four, cha-cha-cha. 1531 01:29:29,131 --> 01:29:31,066 Five, six, cha-cha-cha. 1532 01:29:31,166 --> 01:29:33,001 Poopie! 1533 01:29:36,739 --> 01:29:38,674 - [turns music off] - What's wrong? 1534 01:29:38,774 --> 01:29:41,243 I'd like to hear one sentence without the rhythm section in it. 1535 01:29:41,343 --> 01:29:43,378 - What did they say? - Who? 1536 01:29:43,479 --> 01:29:45,648 Copeland and Sampler. Cha-cha-cha. 1537 01:29:45,748 --> 01:29:47,850 Oh, nothing. They'll call back. 1538 01:29:47,950 --> 01:29:49,852 - [turns music on] - One, two, cha-cha-cha. 1539 01:29:49,952 --> 01:29:52,054 - [turns music off] - To the right... 1540 01:29:54,256 --> 01:29:56,592 All right, all right. 1541 01:29:59,762 --> 01:30:01,830 Well, what's the matter, Al, baby? 1542 01:30:01,930 --> 01:30:07,102 Oh, now it's Al, baby? I'll tell you what's the matter. 1543 01:30:07,202 --> 01:30:10,439 It's a little annoying to have to wait around for the dance to end to get my messages. 1544 01:30:10,539 --> 01:30:13,241 [sighs] Boy, you're jumpy lately. 1545 01:30:13,341 --> 01:30:14,877 What do you do all day anyway, now? 1546 01:30:14,977 --> 01:30:18,046 You're gone from ten till six. You come home bushed, 1547 01:30:18,146 --> 01:30:21,984 and you keep getting these strange calls all day. 1548 01:30:22,084 --> 01:30:24,620 Hey, you got a job? 1549 01:30:24,720 --> 01:30:27,122 No, I haven't got a job, Buddy, baby. 1550 01:30:27,222 --> 01:30:33,361 All right, OK, you don't have to bite my head off. 1551 01:30:33,462 --> 01:30:37,900 Look, Alan, what are you just eating your heart out like this for now? 1552 01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:40,703 Now, why don't you pick up that phone and call her? 1553 01:30:40,803 --> 01:30:42,771 - Call who? - [sarcastic] Call who. 1554 01:30:42,871 --> 01:30:45,841 Connie. Listen, I've seen you reach for that phone 1,000 times, 1555 01:30:45,941 --> 01:30:48,977 - you even talk about her in your sleep. - You're nutty. 1556 01:30:49,077 --> 01:30:50,813 - You need her, Alan. - I don't need anybody. 1557 01:30:50,913 --> 01:30:54,517 All right, fine. I'm sorry I brought it up. 1558 01:31:03,859 --> 01:31:05,994 Listen, kid, why don't we, uh... 1559 01:31:06,094 --> 01:31:08,063 Why don't we go to a movie tonight, just you and me, huh? 1560 01:31:08,163 --> 01:31:10,599 Aw, gee, Al, I'd love to do that, I really would. 1561 01:31:10,699 --> 01:31:13,201 But, you see, I have a... I got a date tonight. 1562 01:31:13,301 --> 01:31:17,806 And, uh, matter of fact, she's in the den right now changing. 1563 01:31:17,906 --> 01:31:20,609 - Changing? - Ready or not. 1564 01:31:20,709 --> 01:31:24,880 Yeah, she came right here after basketball practice. 1565 01:31:26,582 --> 01:31:27,883 Zip me up, would ya? 1566 01:31:27,983 --> 01:31:29,652 Where are we going tonight? 1567 01:31:29,752 --> 01:31:31,554 Well, first we'll go out to dinner, 1568 01:31:31,654 --> 01:31:33,288 and, uh, then we'll go dancing, 1569 01:31:33,388 --> 01:31:37,760 and, uh, maybe we'll come back here and shoot a few baskets. 1570 01:31:40,462 --> 01:31:44,232 That is if a certain party will cooperate with us a little bit 1571 01:31:44,332 --> 01:31:47,335 by going out to a late movie? 1572 01:31:47,435 --> 01:31:49,004 What do you say, certain party? 1573 01:31:49,104 --> 01:31:51,974 [Alan] Boy, I'm beginning to feel like I'm 80 years old. 1574 01:31:52,074 --> 01:31:54,276 Let me tell you something, Al baby, 1575 01:31:54,376 --> 01:31:58,513 that's about ten years younger than you're beginning to act. 1576 01:31:58,614 --> 01:32:00,616 Get a hold of yourself, fella. 1577 01:32:04,386 --> 01:32:06,722 See you later, Al. 1578 01:32:06,822 --> 01:32:08,691 - [woman] Who was that? - [Buddy] My brother. 1579 01:32:08,791 --> 01:32:10,826 He shares the apartment with me. 1580 01:32:15,764 --> 01:32:18,834 - Hiya, Mr. Baker. - Hi, Willie. Oh, say, Willie? 1581 01:32:19,868 --> 01:32:21,704 I didn't get my blue mohair suit this morning. 1582 01:32:21,804 --> 01:32:23,371 You promised to give it to me today. 1583 01:32:23,471 --> 01:32:24,940 Sure, sure, Mr. Baker, 1584 01:32:25,040 --> 01:32:27,676 but then your brother comes in with that rush order. 1585 01:32:27,776 --> 01:32:29,511 "Hold the presses" he says. 1586 01:32:29,612 --> 01:32:34,549 - I figured he's your brother... - OK, Willie. Thank you very much. 1587 01:32:41,389 --> 01:32:44,092 Maxie, here's a dime for the local. 1588 01:32:44,192 --> 01:32:47,495 Get me down for five on Raza Daza and Highly in the fifth. 1589 01:32:47,596 --> 01:32:49,665 Sorry, Mr. Baker, I filled the book. 1590 01:32:49,765 --> 01:32:53,235 Your brother took the last ten spot a few minutes ago. 1591 01:33:01,944 --> 01:33:04,613 - Hi, Rudy. - Hi, Mr. Baker. 1592 01:33:04,713 --> 01:33:08,617 - You almost finished? - Not quite. 1593 01:33:08,717 --> 01:33:10,352 Won't be long though, will it? 1594 01:33:10,452 --> 01:33:13,355 Well, I just started. 1595 01:33:13,455 --> 01:33:16,759 I've had a standing appointment here for every week for nine years, 1596 01:33:16,859 --> 01:33:18,360 I haven't missed one yet. 1597 01:33:18,460 --> 01:33:20,162 It's, uh, my fault, Alan. 1598 01:33:20,262 --> 01:33:21,630 Hiya, pal. 1599 01:33:21,730 --> 01:33:23,699 This is the last straw. 1600 01:33:23,799 --> 01:33:27,970 - I mean, the last straw. - Look, Alan, I didn't think you'd be in today. 1601 01:33:28,070 --> 01:33:31,206 - Hey, buff 'em up good there, sweetie. - I'm sorry, Mr. Baker. 1602 01:33:31,306 --> 01:33:34,576 Look, Alan, Pete's not in right now, but he'll be back in a couple minutes, though. 1603 01:33:34,677 --> 01:33:36,278 He's a good barber, why don't you try him? 1604 01:33:36,378 --> 01:33:37,746 I didn't come here for Pete. 1605 01:33:37,846 --> 01:33:41,149 Well, you want Rudy? You want my barber? 1606 01:33:41,249 --> 01:33:43,485 Your barber? 1607 01:33:43,585 --> 01:33:46,989 Your barber?! I brought you here! 1608 01:33:47,089 --> 01:33:49,324 He's my barber! 1609 01:33:51,126 --> 01:33:53,662 The whole world doesn't have to know. 1610 01:33:53,762 --> 01:33:55,898 Atta girl, sweetie. You tell him, babe. 1611 01:33:55,998 --> 01:34:00,035 [chuckles] Hey, Rudy, make sure you sneak up on those sideburns nice and easy, will ya? 1612 01:34:00,135 --> 01:34:02,705 Uh, Alan, you were saying? 1613 01:34:02,805 --> 01:34:05,507 I take him in, I teach him how to walk, 1614 01:34:05,607 --> 01:34:07,642 how to dress, how to talk even, 1615 01:34:07,743 --> 01:34:09,912 now look at him. He uses my barber, 1616 01:34:10,012 --> 01:34:12,180 my manicurist, my shoeshine man, my bookmaker, 1617 01:34:12,280 --> 01:34:15,784 - my apartment, even! - Look, Alan, I thought we were splitting everything 50-50. 1618 01:34:15,884 --> 01:34:18,086 We were, is true. But it's over now. 1619 01:34:18,186 --> 01:34:20,288 - OK, all right. - And another thing, 1620 01:34:20,388 --> 01:34:23,525 you'd better start giving some thought about buying your own food. 1621 01:34:23,625 --> 01:34:27,662 I'm sick and tired of bringing the cookies home and watching you finish them. 1622 01:34:27,763 --> 01:34:30,699 While you look at my television, read my magazines, 1623 01:34:30,799 --> 01:34:33,135 and get the crumbs all over my chair! 1624 01:34:33,235 --> 01:34:35,838 - You must be kidding. - The heck I am! 1625 01:34:35,938 --> 01:34:39,174 And keep your hands off my Fig Newtons. 1626 01:34:39,274 --> 01:34:40,943 [telephone rings] 1627 01:34:43,879 --> 01:34:45,981 Yeah? Yes, he's here. 1628 01:34:46,081 --> 01:34:49,918 Mr. Baker, it's for you. No, the young one. 1629 01:34:50,018 --> 01:34:54,422 - Ooh. - Just a minute. I'm not through with you yet. 1630 01:34:54,522 --> 01:34:56,792 Hello? Oh, hi Mr. Sardi. 1631 01:34:56,892 --> 01:34:59,862 Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did call you. It seems that your head waiter 1632 01:34:59,962 --> 01:35:02,931 couldn't find me a spot for a luncheon reservation. 1633 01:35:03,031 --> 01:35:05,567 Uh-huh. Well, I thought maybe you could. 1634 01:35:05,667 --> 01:35:08,136 Well, it's, uh, Macintosh. 1635 01:35:08,236 --> 01:35:11,907 And if you can't find it there, look under Paramount Pictures. 1636 01:35:12,007 --> 01:35:17,345 Wonderful, thank you so much. I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding. 1637 01:35:17,445 --> 01:35:19,281 Uh-huh. Good-bye. 1638 01:35:20,382 --> 01:35:22,650 Now, look, Alan, just get off my back, huh? 1639 01:35:22,751 --> 01:35:24,419 It's really not very pleasant, you know. 1640 01:35:24,519 --> 01:35:28,623 How about that? That guy thought I was really from Paramount. 1641 01:35:28,723 --> 01:35:31,226 So did I. 1642 01:35:34,129 --> 01:35:35,998 [band playing jazz music] 1643 01:35:36,098 --> 01:35:38,500 [people chattering] 1644 01:35:42,204 --> 01:35:50,278 B-U-I-L-D. 1645 01:35:50,378 --> 01:35:53,982 Five letters. 1646 01:35:55,450 --> 01:36:01,790 One, two, three, four... 1647 01:36:05,160 --> 01:36:06,929 ...five. 1648 01:36:07,695 --> 01:36:08,864 What are they playing? 1649 01:36:08,964 --> 01:36:10,598 Strip Scrabble. 1650 01:36:10,698 --> 01:36:13,201 [indistinct chatter] 1651 01:36:16,704 --> 01:36:21,944 Golly, Mr. Macintosh, you have such intellectual friends. 1652 01:36:22,044 --> 01:36:26,915 I mean, well, I've never been to a party with so many brains. 1653 01:36:27,015 --> 01:36:30,485 Yeah, well, that's the way it is with us people in the arts. 1654 01:36:30,585 --> 01:36:32,888 You're in a deep sleep. 1655 01:36:32,988 --> 01:36:36,058 On the count of three, you will awaken from that sleep 1656 01:36:36,158 --> 01:36:39,527 and you will think that you are United States Senators. 1657 01:36:39,627 --> 01:36:44,599 You, Mildred, will look everywhere for President Kennedy. 1658 01:36:44,699 --> 01:36:49,271 Ready now? One, two, three. 1659 01:36:58,680 --> 01:37:00,315 [woman laughing] 1660 01:37:15,864 --> 01:37:18,400 Hi. I understand you're the sculptor. 1661 01:37:18,500 --> 01:37:22,570 Yes, and a very exciting one, I might immodestly say. 1662 01:37:22,670 --> 01:37:25,307 Oh, I, I just adore sculptors. 1663 01:37:25,407 --> 01:37:28,543 Do you? I work in very unusual materials. 1664 01:37:28,643 --> 01:37:31,479 I've done some lovely small heads in soap. 1665 01:37:31,579 --> 01:37:35,583 And lately, I've had a lot of luck in cream cheese. 1666 01:37:35,683 --> 01:37:37,285 Really?! 1667 01:37:41,223 --> 01:37:45,493 [man] T-H-Y-R-O-I-D. Thyroid, seven letters. 1668 01:37:45,593 --> 01:37:51,900 [woman] One, two, three, four... 1669 01:38:00,008 --> 01:38:01,509 Ah! There you are. 1670 01:38:01,609 --> 01:38:04,712 You with your promises of federal aid to education. 1671 01:38:04,812 --> 01:38:07,215 Promises, that's all they were. 1672 01:38:08,450 --> 01:38:09,985 She thinks you're President Kennedy. 1673 01:38:10,085 --> 01:38:13,989 Make her happy. Say something to assure her. 1674 01:38:14,089 --> 01:38:19,127 I'll try to push the bill through before the close of the next session. 1675 01:38:21,196 --> 01:38:24,299 - Hey, Peg. - Oh, hi, Alan! 1676 01:38:24,399 --> 01:38:26,168 Isn't this a marvy party? 1677 01:38:26,268 --> 01:38:29,304 Yeah, say, have you seen Buddy? I mean, my buddy Macintosh? 1678 01:38:29,404 --> 01:38:32,074 Oh, uh, he's around here someplace. 1679 01:38:32,174 --> 01:38:35,877 Alan, I'd like you to meet Wilton Harkute. 1680 01:38:35,978 --> 01:38:38,113 He's a poet. 1681 01:38:38,213 --> 01:38:42,084 Actually, we were just leaving because Wilton's gonna take me to his apartment 1682 01:38:42,184 --> 01:38:44,786 to meet his roommate, Carl Sandburg. 1683 01:38:44,886 --> 01:38:49,157 Well, come on, Bye! 1684 01:38:50,558 --> 01:38:54,429 Sandburg. That's a better line than Macintosh. 1685 01:39:04,472 --> 01:39:08,110 Wait, Eunice, where you going? I love you. 1686 01:39:08,210 --> 01:39:10,012 Where are you going and what's with all the love talk? 1687 01:39:10,112 --> 01:39:11,446 What's with this eavesdropping? 1688 01:39:11,546 --> 01:39:13,615 - I gotta talk to you, kid. - Not now, Alan. 1689 01:39:13,715 --> 01:39:15,483 Buddy? 1690 01:39:21,289 --> 01:39:25,093 - Eunice? Eunice? - She's in there. 1691 01:39:27,162 --> 01:39:28,763 Now, listen... 1692 01:39:28,863 --> 01:39:32,934 - Hey, pal? - I was just looking for some cream cheese. 1693 01:39:33,035 --> 01:39:35,703 Try Wisconsin, it's the dairy state. 1694 01:39:38,606 --> 01:39:41,143 I don't like what's happening to you, kid. 1695 01:39:42,210 --> 01:39:44,046 Why, you shouldn't talk that way, big brother. 1696 01:39:44,146 --> 01:39:46,448 Everything I know, I learned from you. 1697 01:39:47,449 --> 01:39:48,916 You're the one that told me to, uh, 1698 01:39:49,017 --> 01:39:50,585 take a bite out of the real fruit of life. 1699 01:39:50,685 --> 01:39:53,055 The one that told me to go out and have some real fun 1700 01:39:53,155 --> 01:39:55,090 - for a change. - That's right. I said have fun. 1701 01:39:55,190 --> 01:39:59,594 But I didn't say anything about all night parties and drinking all night. 1702 01:39:59,694 --> 01:40:02,797 - Oh, come off it, Alan. - I won't have it, Buddy. 1703 01:40:02,897 --> 01:40:05,233 I won't have my kid brother carrying on like this. 1704 01:40:05,333 --> 01:40:07,102 - Like what? - Like a bum! 1705 01:40:07,202 --> 01:40:09,304 - A bum?! - A bum! 1706 01:40:09,404 --> 01:40:12,907 Just take a look at that crowd you're running around with. 1707 01:40:13,007 --> 01:40:15,810 Intellectual delinquents. 1708 01:40:15,910 --> 01:40:18,080 Strip Scrabble players. 1709 01:40:18,180 --> 01:40:19,847 Amateur hypnotists. 1710 01:40:19,947 --> 01:40:24,086 And another thing, where were you until 4:00 this morning? 1711 01:40:24,186 --> 01:40:28,990 - What?! - I wanna know where you were until 4:00 this morning. 1712 01:40:29,091 --> 01:40:31,926 Oh! Cock-a-doodle-doo! 1713 01:40:32,026 --> 01:40:34,462 What's with you?! 1714 01:40:42,237 --> 01:40:44,106 Don't you cock-a-doodle me, young man. 1715 01:40:44,206 --> 01:40:46,141 You're not too big to get a good slap across the face. 1716 01:40:46,241 --> 01:40:49,244 Cock-a-doodle-do. Now I've got two fathers. 1717 01:40:49,344 --> 01:40:52,647 Stop that. I'm nothing like him. 1718 01:40:52,747 --> 01:40:55,650 I'm seeing you for the first time. 1719 01:40:55,750 --> 01:40:57,819 [crows] 1720 01:40:57,919 --> 01:40:59,754 [music, chatter stops] 1721 01:41:06,828 --> 01:41:09,797 I'm sorry, kid, honest I am. 1722 01:41:11,699 --> 01:41:15,036 You're seeing yourself for the first time, Alan. 1723 01:41:15,137 --> 01:41:17,472 I'm just a carbon copy. 1724 01:41:18,673 --> 01:41:22,577 You're bugged 'cause you don't belong here. 1725 01:41:22,677 --> 01:41:24,712 Well, I do. 1726 01:41:25,813 --> 01:41:28,883 I'm just starting my fling, Alan. 1727 01:41:28,983 --> 01:41:31,686 You're flung. 1728 01:41:40,795 --> 01:41:43,431 Good-bye, Mr. President. 1729 01:41:48,836 --> 01:41:50,605 [tires squeal] 1730 01:42:02,984 --> 01:42:06,087 Operator, this is KJ12121. 1731 01:42:06,188 --> 01:42:09,257 Could you get me Trafalgar 46598, please? 1732 01:42:09,357 --> 01:42:10,758 Thank you. 1733 01:42:10,858 --> 01:42:13,395 [telephone rings] 1734 01:42:23,104 --> 01:42:27,342 - Hello? - Connie, this is Alan. 1735 01:42:27,442 --> 01:42:30,812 - Alan who? - The Alan who loves and adores you. 1736 01:42:30,912 --> 01:42:33,781 [yawns] Oh, that Alan. 1737 01:42:36,651 --> 01:42:38,152 That Alan?! 1738 01:42:38,253 --> 01:42:42,757 Oh! Oh, Alan! 1739 01:42:42,857 --> 01:42:45,360 Alan, you called! 1740 01:42:45,460 --> 01:42:47,829 I was beginning to give up hope. 1741 01:42:47,929 --> 01:42:49,831 Alan, I love you. 1742 01:42:49,931 --> 01:42:51,833 And I missed you! 1743 01:42:51,933 --> 01:42:54,802 - Where are you? - I'm in Bermuda. 1744 01:42:54,902 --> 01:42:58,340 Bermuda? What are you doing in Bermuda? 1745 01:42:58,440 --> 01:43:00,475 I came down here to do some thinking. 1746 01:43:00,575 --> 01:43:04,279 And you know what? I've decided I want to marry you. 1747 01:43:05,447 --> 01:43:08,316 Oh, Alan! Oh, Alan! 1748 01:43:08,416 --> 01:43:12,186 Oh, darling, darling! 1749 01:43:12,287 --> 01:43:14,456 Oh, I waited so long for this! 1750 01:43:14,556 --> 01:43:17,225 Oh, Alan, how soon can you come home? 1751 01:43:17,325 --> 01:43:20,528 Oh, about two days. 1752 01:43:20,628 --> 01:43:23,298 Well, why must it take two days? 1753 01:43:23,398 --> 01:43:24,432 Can't you fly? 1754 01:43:24,532 --> 01:43:26,734 What did you say? 1755 01:43:26,834 --> 01:43:28,570 I said take a plane. 1756 01:43:28,670 --> 01:43:32,006 Oh, darling. Darling, darling! 1757 01:43:32,106 --> 01:43:34,742 - What? - Oh, Alan. 1758 01:43:34,842 --> 01:43:36,578 I can't hear you, there's too much noise. 1759 01:43:36,678 --> 01:43:39,947 Alan! Oh, Alan! For heaven's sake! 1760 01:43:40,047 --> 01:43:40,948 Just a second. 1761 01:43:41,048 --> 01:43:42,450 Alan, what noise? 1762 01:43:42,550 --> 01:43:44,719 I don't hear any noise. Alan? 1763 01:43:44,819 --> 01:43:47,822 Alan, talk to me! I can't hear you. 1764 01:43:47,922 --> 01:43:49,991 Alan... 1765 01:43:53,628 --> 01:43:55,263 Alan, never mind the noise. 1766 01:43:55,363 --> 01:43:57,432 - Alan? - [knocking at door] 1767 01:43:57,532 --> 01:43:59,967 - Who is it? - [Alan in deep voice] Telegram, ma'am. 1768 01:44:00,067 --> 01:44:02,637 Oh, um, just a moment. Alan? 1769 01:44:02,737 --> 01:44:06,073 Alan, Alan? Oh, for heaven's sakes. Just a moment, please. 1770 01:44:06,173 --> 01:44:07,909 Don't go away. 1771 01:44:08,009 --> 01:44:10,378 Telegram, ma'am. 1772 01:44:10,478 --> 01:44:12,680 Oh, put it on the table. 1773 01:44:12,780 --> 01:44:14,349 Alan? 1774 01:44:50,518 --> 01:44:52,620 - Alan! Hey, where you been? - Hi, kid. 1775 01:44:52,720 --> 01:44:55,890 I've been really worried about you. I was gonna apologize for the other night, Alan. 1776 01:44:55,990 --> 01:44:59,927 - It was really my fault. - It's all right, you did me a great big favor. 1777 01:45:00,562 --> 01:45:01,696 Where you been? 1778 01:45:01,796 --> 01:45:04,699 That's the favor. You drove me to it. 1779 01:45:04,799 --> 01:45:07,369 - No! No! You didn't do that! - Yep. 1780 01:45:07,469 --> 01:45:09,270 - Not you! Really? - Yep, I did it. 1781 01:45:09,371 --> 01:45:12,640 - I don't know what to say! Gee. - [Sophie humming] 1782 01:45:12,740 --> 01:45:15,076 - Oh, Alan. - Mom. 1783 01:45:15,176 --> 01:45:17,545 - Hello, darling. - What are you doing here? 1784 01:45:17,645 --> 01:45:19,681 She moved in this morning, for keeps. 1785 01:45:19,781 --> 01:45:22,049 I'm like him, I've run away from home. 1786 01:45:22,149 --> 01:45:24,686 - She's kidding, of course. - No, she's not kidding. 1787 01:45:24,786 --> 01:45:26,688 - She's dead serious. - What happened? 1788 01:45:26,788 --> 01:45:29,223 What happened? Ask America what happened. 1789 01:45:29,323 --> 01:45:34,629 In Alaska they must've heard how that man has been carrying on with me. 1790 01:45:34,729 --> 01:45:38,199 Yeah, I know, he's been pretty upset, Mom. But everything's gonna be all right now. 1791 01:45:38,299 --> 01:45:39,867 - Yeah? - Right, Buddy? 1792 01:45:39,967 --> 01:45:42,670 - You shouldn't hold your breath. - [doorbell rings] 1793 01:45:42,770 --> 01:45:45,640 - That'll be Connie. - I'll go clean the den. 1794 01:45:45,740 --> 01:45:49,477 - OK. - Twenty years nobody's been in there to clean. 1795 01:45:50,111 --> 01:45:51,278 Dad. 1796 01:45:51,379 --> 01:45:53,147 Where is she? 1797 01:45:53,247 --> 01:45:55,683 I know she's in here. 1798 01:45:56,484 --> 01:45:58,853 Where is their mother? 1799 01:45:58,953 --> 01:46:00,822 She's in the den. 1800 01:46:00,922 --> 01:46:04,626 Now they're hiding them in the den? 1801 01:46:06,360 --> 01:46:08,229 Very nice! 1802 01:46:08,329 --> 01:46:10,097 Very nice for a mother! 1803 01:46:10,197 --> 01:46:14,402 - [Sophie] What do you want? - What is she doing here? 1804 01:46:14,502 --> 01:46:16,571 Where else should she be? 1805 01:46:16,671 --> 01:46:18,673 You ought to be ashamed of yourself. 1806 01:46:18,773 --> 01:46:22,043 This is something I will not discuss in front of strangers. 1807 01:46:22,143 --> 01:46:23,545 They are your sons. 1808 01:46:23,645 --> 01:46:27,515 They are your sons. They are my strangers. 1809 01:46:28,082 --> 01:46:29,884 Is she coming home?! 1810 01:46:29,984 --> 01:46:32,420 She is home. 1811 01:46:32,520 --> 01:46:34,956 This is where she lives now. 1812 01:46:37,459 --> 01:46:39,727 This is where she lives? 1813 01:46:39,827 --> 01:46:43,097 - With bums?! - That's right, so that makes me a bum too. 1814 01:46:43,197 --> 01:46:46,601 Are you happy now? Now you've got three bums. 1815 01:46:46,701 --> 01:46:50,171 - Can I say something, Dad? - Who's he talking to? I'm not even here. 1816 01:46:50,271 --> 01:46:53,407 - Dad, can I say something? - Write it in a play, I'll see it opening night. 1817 01:46:53,508 --> 01:46:56,878 Will you calm down for two seconds? There's something very important I have to tell you. 1818 01:46:56,978 --> 01:46:59,180 Is she coming with me or do I go alone around the world? 1819 01:46:59,280 --> 01:47:01,483 - Around the world? - Are you gonna make a trip around the world? 1820 01:47:01,583 --> 01:47:03,785 Look, look who's suddenly so shocked! 1821 01:47:03,885 --> 01:47:06,488 The skier, the Pulitzer Prize winner. 1822 01:47:06,588 --> 01:47:10,057 - Would you listen to me, please? - I don't wanna hear any more. 1823 01:47:11,859 --> 01:47:14,496 If the woman wants, she can meet me in Hong Kong. 1824 01:47:14,596 --> 01:47:19,433 - Look, Dad, please. - Pushing a father? You're pushing? 1825 01:47:19,534 --> 01:47:22,003 - [Buddy] I'm sorry, Dad. - Alan? 1826 01:47:22,103 --> 01:47:24,338 Sweetheart, come on in. 1827 01:47:24,438 --> 01:47:26,874 I want you to meet my mother, my father and my kid brother. 1828 01:47:26,974 --> 01:47:29,376 - This is Connie. - How do you do? 1829 01:47:29,477 --> 01:47:32,046 - Are you gonna stay here or are you gonna come with me? - Dad. 1830 01:47:32,146 --> 01:47:34,982 - Oh, come on, Dad, Alan has something to tell you. - Again he's pushing? 1831 01:47:35,082 --> 01:47:37,485 - Harry, let the boy talk. - [telephone rings] 1832 01:47:37,585 --> 01:47:40,522 - Oh, Alan, the phone. - Alan, perhaps I'd better come back? 1833 01:47:40,622 --> 01:47:43,024 - You wait right where you are. - Buddy, the phone. 1834 01:47:43,124 --> 01:47:46,327 - Dad, there's something I must tell you. - Will you just let him talk? 1835 01:47:46,427 --> 01:47:48,496 If he pushes me once more, I... 1836 01:47:48,596 --> 01:47:50,565 Maybe I'm crazy, nobody hears a phone? 1837 01:47:50,665 --> 01:47:53,568 Will you all please be quiet for five seconds? 1838 01:47:53,668 --> 01:47:57,438 There's something I'd like... It isn't often a son can make an announcement like this. 1839 01:47:57,539 --> 01:47:59,841 Oh, this I can't stand already. 1840 01:47:59,941 --> 01:48:02,043 - Alan, perhaps I... - Pop! 1841 01:48:02,143 --> 01:48:05,613 - It's very important that you listen to what I have to say! - Hello? 1842 01:48:05,713 --> 01:48:07,248 - I'm not here. - Hello?! 1843 01:48:07,348 --> 01:48:10,117 - Oh, Alan, it's for you. - Take a message, Mom, please. 1844 01:48:10,217 --> 01:48:12,987 Again with the message. Where's the paper now? 1845 01:48:13,087 --> 01:48:15,757 No, you stay right... Mom, I'll get it. 1846 01:48:17,458 --> 01:48:20,762 Hello? Oh, Mr. Copeland, how are you, sir? 1847 01:48:20,862 --> 01:48:24,231 Fine. Oh, that's wonderful. 1848 01:48:24,331 --> 01:48:26,300 The same order we discussed at lunch. 1849 01:48:26,400 --> 01:48:28,603 That's fine. Thank you very much. Have a good trip back home. 1850 01:48:28,703 --> 01:48:34,208 - Bye-bye. - How does he come to know Copeland of Milwaukee? 1851 01:48:34,308 --> 01:48:37,712 I'd heard he was in town, so I took him to lunch a few times last week. 1852 01:48:37,812 --> 01:48:41,282 Five years I'm after Copeland of Milwaukee. 1853 01:48:41,382 --> 01:48:43,184 I thought I owed you that much, Dad. 1854 01:48:43,284 --> 01:48:44,752 You don't owe me anything. 1855 01:48:44,852 --> 01:48:47,722 - I don't wanna be owed anything by a bum! - Ha! 1856 01:48:47,822 --> 01:48:49,557 - Why am I a bum? - Are you married? 1857 01:48:49,657 --> 01:48:51,926 - Yes! - Then you're a bu... What? 1858 01:48:52,026 --> 01:48:55,930 - What? - This is your daughter-in-law. We were married last night. 1859 01:48:56,030 --> 01:48:58,900 - No! Well, Connie! - Yes. 1860 01:48:59,000 --> 01:49:00,935 - Darling! - That's what I've been trying to say. 1861 01:49:01,035 --> 01:49:03,337 - I've been trying to tell ya. - Why didn't you say so, baby? 1862 01:49:03,437 --> 01:49:04,806 Darling! Look at that! 1863 01:49:04,906 --> 01:49:08,242 [overlapping chatter] 1864 01:49:08,342 --> 01:49:12,146 Harry, your son is married. 1865 01:49:14,649 --> 01:49:16,651 Nobody tells me anything. 1866 01:49:16,751 --> 01:49:19,754 All I get is pushed. 1867 01:49:47,581 --> 01:49:49,016 Now listen, 1868 01:49:49,116 --> 01:49:51,052 how about we go out and we have a bottle of champagne 1869 01:49:51,152 --> 01:49:53,621 and a nice brunch to celebrate the wedding, huh? 1870 01:49:53,721 --> 01:49:54,922 What do you say? 1871 01:49:55,022 --> 01:49:56,824 Yes, why don't we, Mr. Baker? 1872 01:49:56,924 --> 01:49:59,393 We can all be together and have a nice, long talk. 1873 01:49:59,493 --> 01:50:01,696 Just the family, all right? 1874 01:50:06,600 --> 01:50:08,435 - Well... - Come on, Mom. 1875 01:50:08,535 --> 01:50:12,306 - Maybe just a cup of coffee. - Yes, that's all, Mr. Baker. 1876 01:50:12,406 --> 01:50:14,909 [all chattering] 1877 01:50:22,449 --> 01:50:23,785 Come, come, come, come, come! 1878 01:50:23,885 --> 01:50:25,920 You're lagging, we're gonna bust the wine. 1879 01:50:26,020 --> 01:50:27,554 Well, I was just thinking, Alan. 1880 01:50:27,655 --> 01:50:28,856 After all, you're married now. 1881 01:50:28,956 --> 01:50:30,291 And a place like this... 1882 01:50:30,391 --> 01:50:32,660 Save your breath, I know what you're trying to say. 1883 01:50:32,760 --> 01:50:34,028 But you can have it, it's all yours. 1884 01:50:34,128 --> 01:50:35,730 Really?! You mean it? You mean it? 1885 01:50:35,830 --> 01:50:38,299 Your brother you're pushing? 1886 01:50:38,399 --> 01:50:40,334 [telephone ringing] 1887 01:50:41,202 --> 01:50:43,805 Hello. Julia? 1888 01:50:43,905 --> 01:50:45,807 Uh, yeah, just a minute. 1889 01:50:45,907 --> 01:50:48,509 It's for you. Who's Julia? 1890 01:50:48,609 --> 01:50:50,011 That'll be Julia Merritt. 1891 01:50:50,111 --> 01:50:52,680 Remember once you asked me how I could afford this place? 1892 01:50:52,780 --> 01:50:54,348 Well, I really never could. 1893 01:50:54,448 --> 01:50:56,383 See, I leased it from her. 1894 01:50:56,483 --> 01:50:59,821 - So? - So, if she likes you, 1895 01:50:59,921 --> 01:51:02,757 she practically gives it away. 1896 01:51:05,927 --> 01:51:09,596 Hello, Julia? This is Alan's brother, Buddy. 1897 01:51:09,697 --> 01:51:14,601 Hey, uh, don't you know you could get arrested for having such a sexy voice? 1898 01:51:14,702 --> 01:51:17,304 [laughs]